Thanks for posting psluke, I often lurk on your thread. Yes, I have listed the steps, and yes, we are closer.
Maybe I (and other women-not trying to be sexist, just notice it's usually the women who ask this question) expect everything to move forward together, but it doesn't work that way. ???
In other words, I have seen babysteps, and I expect to see babysteps in all areas of our life together. He stated he wants this marriage to work, ended EA with OW, spends time with me, etc. Each day, week or month, I see progress in our friendship, trust, etc. But, the physical touch doesn't progress. I don't see him hugging me with his hands closed one month, open the next, occasionally touching his hands to mine, then holding hands, then etc. etc. etc...
I see a gradual progression towards love in all other aspects, but I don't see any graduation on this meter stick that I've been using to measure our R.
Although in the beginning, he wasn't touching me at all, and now we ML and hug often. It stopped there, and hasn't progressed at all since.
Or has it? Hmmm. I will have to think long and hard here. Maybe the baby steps are just so tiny and interspersed with other stuff. The other day, I almost touched his hand, and he recoiled like it was second nature. Last night, he came in to the bedroom to kiss my cheek and I looked towards him. He hesitated and I understood instinctively that he thought I was going to aim my lips at him. I wasn't, I was just looking in his direction. He stopped, backed up, and reaimed to be sure that he hit my cheek and not my lips.
BUT, I woke up the other day with his hand on my leg and my hand on top of his and he didn't move it. He said he thought it felt nice. His hugs are increasing in frequency, his happiness around me is increasing, and he laughed at me last night when I made inuendos at him. (Rather than tell me I am always thinking about sex, like he has been apt to do lately.) He's grabbed or patted my butt a few times, and was thinking about us ML all day the other day. (as evinced by his thanking me three times for a nice time throughout the day.)
Maybe it's time to list these things to see if I see a progression in them. It's so hard, though, as it would mean carrying around a journal constantly.
