Lost at the moment

[lfm]

Had a decent day today, went for a run this morning by myself, went shopping, bought some new clothes, and then went and hung out at the pool with my 3 youngest daughters for a while this afternoon.

I haven't been as obsessed with my wife this weekend, always wondering who she is texting, where she is or monitoring her phone usage, which is good progress for me I think. I've struggled up until now with that as it's so easy to check the usage for cell phones or to track my wife's location. I've still got a lot to work on in terms of the overall detachment, but feel like I'm getting to being able to just walk away myself. I think I've come to the realization "What am I holding on too?" She is definitely not the woman I married, and I don't see her ever wanting to be with me the way I would want her to. I think at this point I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

I know I'll struggle at times with this, there will be triggers, but feeling pretty good about how things have gone through the weekend. We're now officially a month away from closing on the new house, so the focus is just on making sure that goes smoothly for the kids.

Hope everyone had a decent weekend and that you all have a good start to the week!