You have had about as much as you can take. You have communicated that point and caused a small amount of chaos in the process. Now you need to say and do something constructive. You fear that little will be different when you have finished trying. Previous attempts have not worked well. But this time, it really can be different.
I read this as extremely positive. H is piecing with you now. Your marriage is his obligation and responsibility.
Quote: The Full Moon in your sign suggests that something has to be broken down into pieces and put back together again. Specifically, it implies the need for you to look at an obligation or a responsibility.
Quote: Now you need to say and do something constructive. You fear that little will be different when you have finished trying. Previous attempts have not worked well. But this time, it really can be different.
He's saying thank you...which is constructive. He has some fears which is normal. Has he in his own way tried before? Well, this time, if you are both trying things can be different.
Dazed and Rottz, I needed a chuckle right now so I came here and got it....your list is a classic, Dazed....I guess you could always add "what color do you think I should paint the ceiling" to it (no I never said that! Really!)just having a naughty thought....
I am going to try your ideas Rottz....sounds good...I will need to experiment though, H has funny places he doesnt want to be touched. Likes back/shoulder rubs though.
didn't mean to hi-jack your thread.....but love talking to you guys.
Exactly, it could be about anything. And, as you said, after all, its just a horoscope. It's only useful if we take away something useful from it. I wouldn't get caught up in it, especially considering how much good there is in your life right now. Put this aside and enjoy all the good you have!
I got my birthday words from the Cainer website. I share a b-day with this person who had some wise things to say which I think fit suitably well with you today.
Look for peace. BTW, my medium friend told me a long time ago to check the horoscope at the END of the day...
Peace!
TUESDAY 6th April 2004 Ram Dass, teacher and philosopher, born this day in 1931 "As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be you can't see how it is."
"The quieter you become the more you can hear."
"If you think you're free, there's no escape possible."
"As one individual changes, the system changes."
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
WOW Betsey, thanks. Those are certainly very wise things I should take to heart. I love "As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be you can't see how it is."
Thanks everyone. I know, it's only a horoscope.
H emailed me at lunch. He is infuriating at times. Gets so very angry when I assume anything. (Can't blame him) What drives me nuts is (1) he does it right back to me, often assuming things about me like my mood or meaning behind my words, and (2) when I ask for clarification, he doesn't give it, so I can only assume the answer...
Anyway, he asked if I had Friday off of work. I don't, but said I would take it off if he wanted me to. He writes back... "You can if you want to. If the weather is good, I wanted to go riding." Now, is this just a guy thing? Or does he not want to commit to saying "yes, I would like you to come."
I'm not one to invite myself, so I wrote back..."I don't know what to do, H. "You can if you want to" doesn't tell me if you want me to or not. So, as I cannot "assume" anything anymore... For now, unless you tell me otherwise, I will not take off Friday. If you make plans and want to invite me, you can do so. I'm tired of trying to guess what you want."
This is maddening... to me at least. He replies, "The only thing I wanted to do on Friday was to go Bike riding. If the weather is bad, I'll just mull around the house with MJ. You are more than welcome to go riding with us or mull around the house. If we end up mulling, maybe you can help us come up with things to do."
Now, I am faced with whether I stay home and do something with him, or not. Perhaps I will take off and go bike riding or something on my own. I told him if the weather is bad, we can fix up his dojo, some new paint, rugs, cleaning, etc. He liked that idea. But, I really don't know if I want to stay home.
Maybe it's all about the power. H doesn't want to say "Yes, I want you around." For obvious reasons, that would put the power back in my lap.
I don't want to say "yes, I want to stay home with you" because that is giving him power. And I feel like he has enough power right now.
Perhaps that's the answer. There has to be give and take in a R, and I may gain something if I give him power. However, I doubt it in this case. Instead, I would give him power and he would continue on the path he is on. I think, if I feel he has too much power, perhaps I should go in to work on Friday, or go do my own thing. That is putting the power back on me and making me the master of my own destiny again. HUH? Did that make sense?
Well, here's another one of my patented "everything's going right so what can I worry about" posts. (Just kidding - Hear that Dazed?)
H was in a good mood last night and we had karate class. Fooled around a bit. I couldn't remember a technique where he was holding my wrists and I had to escape, so I twirled around under him like we were dancing. He laughed at me and said "no, you can't win in a fight by being cute." He wound up giving me several hugs during class (even stopping his class with other students to give me one hug) and after class, he gave me a "kenpo hug" where he took me down and laid on top of me for a minute laughing.
It was fun. I went to bed early because I am interviewing today at the place where he works. Oh, I so hope I get in, it would be nice to have lunches with H again. He stayed up past midnight, and (again) had a hard time getting out of bed this morning.
I messed up, did some old behavior again. H asked if I could make his breakfast sandwiches to go to work from now on so he can eat breakfast at work during his first break. I said sure, although I really wanted him to eat with me. I like our time together in the morning. He asked me to make a shake for him, and I did. Then, I commented "Guess I will just make your breakfast at night now and sleep in. No reason to wake up so early." Why did I do that? When will I learn to ask for what I want and express my wishes?
Anyway, H stood in the doorway and looked at me and said "why do I suddenly feel guilty?" I immediately realized my mistake. But, do I own up to it? Of course not. I said, "I don't know, you shouldn't." He says "I feel like you like to have breakfast with me in the morning and I just took that away from you. I like having breakfast with you also. It's just that I am hungry by break." To which I say "No problem. I'll make it work."
When I should have just said to his first question - can you make my breakfast to go - why? - because I am hungry at work - how about we eat breakfast here because I like to do that and I will pack you more food. DUH!
It's OK, I learned and hopefully will not go down that tunnel again.
He gave me several hugs before leaving, lots of smiles at me, and lots of "good luck with the job interview."
He emailed me from work. "Again, good luck. You really don't need luck, though. Your skills and personality should be more than sufficient. "
I responded "Michael, that's so very sweet of you to say. Thank you. You've made my day and given me confidence."
And he replied "GO GO confident Elaines!!! "
Later, he asked me if I want to go out bike riding with him after work if he gets out in time. YAY!
He also emailed me asking if I want to go see a comedian we like next weekend.
So, why is it that we are so close, yet he doesn't feel like he loves me? Anyone? Is it still the wall he has up? Is he having feelings he just isn't recognizing? Maybe it's time for another phone consult with Laurie. I think I need answers. I feel like we are getting along great, but is it WORKING? I don't know. It isn't **not** working, so it must be working? Is what I am doing drawing him closer? I don't think so, but maybe I am wrong. We are already very close together.
I don't want his friendship, I want his love. I've heard this so many times on this board and always have something to say to others like "friendship is the first step." Why do I feel like it's bs in my sitch and I'm just making it easier on him to leave one day because he feels confident he will still have my friendship?
I'm so crazy. I know I am, but I can't stop myself.
I am sorry but not up on everything going on, but have you listed out the steps and progress you have made with H?
If the steps are small and gradual you might not realize you are further along than last month?
From that post he actually sounded caring and concerned that he had hurt you feelings and very much into doing things with you and spending time with you.
Sort of just a total outsider looking in view.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thanks for posting psluke, I often lurk on your thread. Yes, I have listed the steps, and yes, we are closer.
Maybe I (and other women-not trying to be sexist, just notice it's usually the women who ask this question) expect everything to move forward together, but it doesn't work that way. ???
In other words, I have seen babysteps, and I expect to see babysteps in all areas of our life together. He stated he wants this marriage to work, ended EA with OW, spends time with me, etc. Each day, week or month, I see progress in our friendship, trust, etc. But, the physical touch doesn't progress. I don't see him hugging me with his hands closed one month, open the next, occasionally touching his hands to mine, then holding hands, then etc. etc. etc...
I see a gradual progression towards love in all other aspects, but I don't see any graduation on this meter stick that I've been using to measure our R.
Although in the beginning, he wasn't touching me at all, and now we ML and hug often. It stopped there, and hasn't progressed at all since.
Or has it? Hmmm. I will have to think long and hard here. Maybe the baby steps are just so tiny and interspersed with other stuff. The other day, I almost touched his hand, and he recoiled like it was second nature. Last night, he came in to the bedroom to kiss my cheek and I looked towards him. He hesitated and I understood instinctively that he thought I was going to aim my lips at him. I wasn't, I was just looking in his direction. He stopped, backed up, and reaimed to be sure that he hit my cheek and not my lips.
BUT, I woke up the other day with his hand on my leg and my hand on top of his and he didn't move it. He said he thought it felt nice. His hugs are increasing in frequency, his happiness around me is increasing, and he laughed at me last night when I made inuendos at him. (Rather than tell me I am always thinking about sex, like he has been apt to do lately.) He's grabbed or patted my butt a few times, and was thinking about us ML all day the other day. (as evinced by his thanking me three times for a nice time throughout the day.)
Maybe it's time to list these things to see if I see a progression in them. It's so hard, though, as it would mean carrying around a journal constantly.
