First Buds

[mustardseed]

Hi MS,
I am sorry to hear about how mean your H is. I like how strong you're sounding and how detached you are from your H.

Won't it be fun though when your H starts treating the OW the way he has treated you? The OW has seen his true colours, just that his meanness want directed at her. Like you said maybe she really can be on top of things but either way, you would have waltzed out of their drama.

Yes. This is what I try to keep in mind. Although it would be better to not care at all anymore.
I finally really know him. Probably the person who knows him best in the world--because I've been on both sides and I can't just duck out for good. He's turned people against me, but I'm not going to let that shake me. After that meeting with the counselor it became clear that it's all straw-man arguments. Some people will buy it, some might not but still feel he is the cooler friend to have so they will go along for the ride. I don't have as many friends as him around here since most of these friendships were connected to him.

He has his sound bites and his spin and he is very convincing. His mother always embraces a crazy wife story. Seems a bunch of her brothers were "victims" one story had a tragic end with a wife that really went crazy. It was awful when that happened. I never met any of them, but my suspicion is that there might have been a perfect narc/borderline combination in the works. Not that it excuses the wife for what she did, but it raises some red flags about the mental health of the men on his mother's side. Isn't it a little suspicious that they all end up with "crazy" women?

I'm glad I got out when I did. It could have gotten worse. It got as bad as it needed to get for me to see his true colors. Luckily he was never able to successfully isolate me. He tried. He and I are very different though. His thinking is very black and white. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. OW is the first person that I can really say I see no good. So when he tried to sway my opinion on people it often led to me sticking up for them which pissed him off. He's used to people buying his spin. Then he would try to hint that the person didn't like me or was talking about me. But that didn't really bother me either. I talk about people too sometimes, doesn't mean I don't like them. And even if they didn't like me I'm not going to change how I am around them. That's why he thinks I'm delusional about my relationships. Because I don't act differently based on those things and it takes a lot for me to see the bad. After this experience I will certainly be more skeptical about people, though. That naive view of believing that everyone is inherently good has definitely been shattered.