I didn't read your post immediatly, so missed your recommendation. Am trying to figure it out. But am very greatful for your message.
I have been focusing on husband's past and current actions way too much. When I do, it puts me into angry victim mode. Not helpful at all. I think I'm back there because legal process is starting and its a familiar place to visit. Im not sure how to proceed legally and perhaps I am villifying and focusing on husband to make process easier.
Thank you for pointing this out. I have to stop. Like now!
I was certainly not an angel throughout our marriage. I am embarassed by some of my behaviors and I like myself better now. It's not fair to focus on his behaviors when mine have not been perfect.
I think I was always hurt because I imagined he didn't care. He felt unappreciated because Nothing was ever good enough.
We were incapable of communicating...really hearing each other out.
Husband and I did not have same views on marriage and committment. I can debate till I'm blue in the face. It doesn't even matter if I am right, which I may or may not be. He did not want to be married. Case closed. I have no choice but to accept it. And yes, it is so hard for me to accept.
Currently, I cannot even talk to him. It's not out of spite. It's just that I am so hurt by his actions and abandonment that any type of real communication just ends up in fight. Any other type of communication seems like pretenses and phoniness.
This is a big 180 from the pursuing and seeking reassurances behaviors, although not helpful either.
I have no hope for reconciliation. OW is a non negotiable for me and all signs point torwards this. I'm not sure if abandonment is a non negotiable. He didn't only abandon me, he abandoned son.
This post is very jumbled, so I apologize. But truly it was helpful. Thank you.
