Awkward situation

[Tate]

Let me introduce myself: I'm a very fit 40 yr old male with 3 kids under the age of 9 and a wife of 17 years who wanted a divorce but doesn't anymore. Sounds great? Yeah, it would be if she didn't want to just live as roommates.

Abridged story: Wife and I had great marriage for 3 years, I developed a disorder that put severe stress on our marriage. We had kids and she grew distant over the years, doing things with the kids and excluding me. I would call her out on it and she would deny excluding me.

At some point a couple years ago, she told me she loved me only as a family member. February 2016, she told me she wanted a divorce and had a whole plan of getting our finances straight and separating in a year.

I read Divorce busting, saw a local marriage counselor, and started the DB phone counseling. Local counselor was convinced she was having an affair. I was 99 percent sure she wasn't until I found some very intimate messages from her to another man. After digging a bit, I found out she had an ongoing emotional affair with my brother in law and had very recently had a physical affair with another man.

The physical affair had run its course and was over. Shortly after, my wife said she no longer wants a divorce. The problem is she is still talking to my brother in law, won't let me touch her at all now, and sleeps on the couch.

I've tried being the best person I can around her, but a couple days ago, I slipped up and got mad at her because she was taking the kids out of town to visit my sister and brother in law without me. She reiterated that she is only with me for the sake of the kids and has no desire to rebuild our marriage.

I'm at my wits end with this. She swears I'm the best dad in the world and we get along great but she is still keeping secrets from me and has no desire to reconcile. Do I keep trying to build a relationship doing 180s, do I move on, do I sit down and talk with her?