Welcome to our community. Posting often will help in building your support group. There are many here who are in very similar situations as you find yourself. Please read all of the links Cadet gave you. It has information you need. You have a wayward wife, and there are several threads under the one Help for Newcomer LBH'S who have a WW.
What are the ages of you and W? Have either of you been in previous long term relationships?
She was giving all the signs of being in an Internet affair. Apparently, you never considered it, which tells me you had complete trust in her. Even when she wanted to leave with the kids immediately upon you asking if she loved you.........you never suspected? You may have found messages from this OM after the fight, but according to her actions, she was involved in some type of inappropriate contact with someone. It could have been some other guy, or even more than one.
Quote:
We made an agreement that we wouldn't let things become hostile between us. I spent the next couple of days trying to show her that I love her I even told her that she was the only woman I would ever love and the only woman I ever wanted to be with.
I find it interesting that you would agree to just be friends, and immediately start proclaiming your love for her. Now that you are aware of her Internet affair, I hope you will realize that showing your love to her will not cause her to want you. Your fear of losing her will tell you to outwardly show her more love, but you cannot listen to your emotions, and especially fear.
The second thing I hope you will quickly realize is that you cannot talk her into loving you. We can't make another person love us. Neither can you talk her out of her affair. The WW does not listen to you talking. She only watches actions.
You need a plan, b/c you cannot operate out of emotions. In order to develope an effective plan, you will need to learn a lot about DBing. You can read the links about detaching and boundaries. Get the book, Divorce Remedy.
Btw, does your W work outside the home?
Stick with us, and you will get help.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
