Don't know what to do

[Zues126]

One thing I'm a big believer in is writing out what you'd need to see happen before you'd be willing to reconnect emotionally (or physically!) with WAS.

For example, for me I won't ever reconnect with WAS unless at a minimum:
-She tells me she made a terrible mistake
-She ends all contact with OM and all other men
-She tells me she would do anything possible to see if the M can be saved
-She is willing to go to IC, and agree to a complete transparency plan
-She demonstrates to me that this isn't a feeling she's having because things are tough or that she's lonely, but that this is based on beliefs and the realization that steering her life by feelings has been destructive to the family

IF all of those things happened, I would be at least willing to have a conversation with her.

Even still, I don't see myself connecting with her again. I can't even picture in my mind a universe in which I'd trust someone that would do these things. But while I don't think there's a snowball's chance of this happening, and if it did I still can't see me doing more than accepting her apology, I don't need to make grand declarations about what God may or may not do to my heart or hers in the future. I'm confident enough I don't need to burn bridges to feel safe.

But I can tell you one thing. I deserve more than being a plan B for a woman that is willing to destroy a family. And so do you. And there is no way I will do more than exchange monthly emails about kids' schedules for the rest of my days unless all of the above happened and I was convinced she was a totally different person than I knew in my former life as her husband.

OK, I get carried away. But what would you need to see from WAH before you were willing to open up again?