Don't know what to do

[Sotto]

Hi Stacey, I'm sorry to hear that happened - of course you made a choice to become involved with him whilst OW was on the scene, which I wouldn't recommend. I think your H has been cake-eating and perhaps not entirely sure where he wants to be - maybe wherever feels good at that point in time - before something else makes him feel better then off he goes.

I think you are quite right to have stopped any kind of romantic involvement with him given all present circumstances. And not as any sort of strategy, but because that doesn't work for you. When I read your post, it sounds as though you still think he is the prize here - and truly that is so not the case. Please remember that he would be very lucky if you were to consider reconciling given all that has happened.

I would strongly encourage you to forge forward and not even glance back unless he has an epiphany and wants to reconcile and will do whatever it takes to win you back. What GAL plans are you making for yourself at this point to help shift your focus from him? Also, do have a think about your boundaries - what is and isn't okay for you? - and try to follow a path that maintains your own self-respect and integrity....whatever he may be up to.

I hope I don't sound harsh and I do mean to help. However, I'm shaking my head a little that you are coming up to three years after BD and still sounding so attached to him when he is behaving so poorly....please do think about that. I found it really helpful to read Codependent No More, and I would recommend it to you if you haven't read it already.

Truly, if you met your H today, given all present circumstances, would you be interested in dating him or becoming an OW when he is cohabiting with someone? I'm not saying to give up hopes of ever reconciling, but please don't put your own life on hold for him for even a moment longer.

Take care Stacey and I do hope things start looking up for you soon :)X