Surfer, you and I see the whole gender blender roles very much alike. Some couples may succeed, but I have definitely seen the downside. Mostly, it is not equal chores at all, and the results are one spouse being very spoiled & selfish.

When you were describing how your W talked so much, it reminded me of something I read years ago. The W has a need to say xxxxxx amount of words in a day. But a man just hears xx amount of words in a day. (I can't remember the exact quote). I just remembered wondering what on earth a couple is to do about this situation.

I know a woman who never shuts her mouth! Even when she gets laryngitis from overuse of the vocal cords.......she will try to whisper it out. This would drive me insane. Her H actually D her, and most people think it's b/c she wouldn't shut up and give the man a few moments of silence. (True story).

Based on your account of the things you've done to improve communication and the problems within the MR, I think you've tried to do what you could to resolve the problems.

Do the two of you have a schedule set to which parent has the kids on which days?

Considering the marital history and you doing what you could to save the M...........and seeing how your W is today...........do you want her back? I am sure you miss the family life and home, but would you want her back if she never changed?

Some men lose focus and just want their W back, regardless. I encourage H's not to reconcile with a WW until he sees changes in her behavior/attitude/actions. Certainly don't take her back if she's in an A and displaying unacceptable behaviors of a W and mother of two children.

As for the interaction with her now, I suggest you keep it based on that of a nosy neighbor. You wave and smile as you are walking on. You don't stick around to visit. If the nosy neighbor starts asking questions about your time and whereabouts and what you did and with whom............you politely disengage and move onward.

Your children should be the only thing you have connected with her (as long as she's showing signs of waywardness). I suggest you have a window frame of time where each of you may contact the children every day they are with the other parent. It is better not to wait till bedtime, b/c that tends to be an emotional time for little ones away from a parent. Makes bedtime more difficult.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!