In the UK - PT 18 'Dark O'Clock'

[Huddy]

Hi RD

A 'thinking' week this week! I'll try and explain.

I've been taking my own medicine. I've re-read all sandi2's homework threads on the WAW/WW. I can see so much in this that relates to me and W that I have been reviewing my actions. So, what can I take from that?

Well, I have done so much work on myself. I am much fitter than I was, thinner and my confidence has returned. I look after myself and the usual stuff like keeping house etc. is not a problem.

I feel I have grown a lot closer to my kids (I was really close anyway, but not seeing them every day makes me value every minute even more) and I think I am a good dad. Nothing is ever a problem for me and I fit my schedule around my kids visits.

I always try to look my best (not easy after sweating like a Scarborough donkey for an hour in the gym!) and always wear aftershave and shave every day, except at weekends (it kills my face - I used to have a beard). My clothes are all freshly ironed and I like to look smart, even if I am just relaxing.

So, as I see it, I think I have done a lot of work. I am not needy, I don't contact W unless it's about the kids and apart from the odd bought of depression, I seem to get by. I feel that it's definitely up to W now to make a move. I don't want to D, so I won't push that at all. I am making more moves to GAL. I do sometimes wonder if I am missing a signal, but I think if W really wanted me, she should say something. She knows I love her, she knows how much I desire her, but, she has to feel the same. I do feel she is going through some MLC motions - cosmetic surgery quotations, checking Match.com etc., but she doesn't put any of it in to action.

So, I don't think I'm missing anything, or should be making additional steps towards W, but don't be afraid to push me in the right direction if you think I have.

W has been asking for me to have the kids on 1 July since May. Don't know why, but it's not my weekend, so I have arranged a GAL activity for that night. My D has had chickenpox this week, so, I did offer to have my D on Thursday if W needed to do any hairdressing. She declined but said that she wanted me to have the kids on Friday. I said no and she immediately said 'why? Where are you going? What are you doing?'. I didn't offer any info, but she told me she was planning on going out. Have held firm, so when she brought the kids over today, she was mightily annoyed. I think it's her nephew's birthday, so I think she wanted to go to her parents for the weekend. Well, I arrange things around the kids schedule, not hers, so I feel justified in keeping my own arrangements.

So, a thoughtful weekend. I've just watched the footy on the TV and it's time for a bath. I'm exhausted as the kids were a bit jumpy last night as it was quite warm and with my D having chickenpox, she was still a bit feverish. Never mind, we had a great time.

I think, thinking time has helped this week, so I move ahead.