My story so far

[Chrisz]

This is my story.
I have been with my wife for 11 years and married for 9. We have 3 kids.
I was in the military when we first met so we moved from her home state to across the US.
A few years ago I got out of the military and got a job in law enforcement.
We have had our ups and downs, but we have always pulled through. About six months ago I noticed my wife start to drink heavily. I asked her what was wrong many times but she would say everything was ok. Then she stopped drinking.
I noticed she was getting more distant and began playing her video games more. It got to a point where I couldn't talk to her without her wearing headphones.
She began to recoil from my touch.
We hadn't been intimate this entire time. I began to buy her flowers weekly and went and bought her everything she wanted but no change. Then about a month ago I asked a question I deeply regret. I asked her if she loved me. Of course the answer was no.
She wanted to take the kids and go back to her home state that night.I was confused because I never knew things were that bad. I convinced her to stay by agreeing to just be friends and raise our kids together. I only did this because I was convinced I could win her back quickly.
We made an agreement that we wouldn't let things become hostile between us. I spent the next couple of days trying to show her that I love her I even told her that she was the only woman I would ever love and the only woman I ever wanted to be with.

That created a huge fight mostly from her. I stayed calm as long as I could and then I turn to beer.
I created a dating profile and made sure she would see it because I thought that jealousy was somehow Spark some interest in me again. It didn't then I started talking to a woman we didn't talk about anything important. That didn't make her jealous either.
Turns out within a few hours of us "breaking up" one of her online friends who is half her age and lives in another country began telling her he liked her and she told him he liked her too.
I broke it off with the woman I was talking to. I started to do everything I could to win her back and I kept telling her that I do love her and I want her back this isn't working.
I snooped her phone and saw the messages after it had been going on for about a week. I saw all the I love yous and kissy faces it still makes me sick to this day thinking about it.
I confronted her and she acted like it was no big deal because they can never be physically together.
She began demanding more and more space and declaring I was smothering her.
I stop trying to look at her stuff because frankly it would make me sick to see it.
I have told her many times that this guy's a mistake and that she's having an emotional affair.

I told her that if she ever wanted to be with me again she would have to cut him out completely.
She feels no shame about him and refuses to cut him out saying she just can't stop it with him. She tells me that their friends but there is an emotional connection there. Every now and again she tells me that this was all my fault.
What hurts me the most is that I know he's manipulating her because he's doing exactly the same thing I did too lonely women in my early twenties.

She began lying to me a lot about dumb things and ignoring any text messages I sent for hours. I know they recently begun sending pictures and videos back and forth to each other but then being intimate with themselves.
Everytime I think I begin to accept it something happens that Sparks a little bit of Hope between us and she quickly that's just the way. This puts me right back at square one where she's all I can think about and I'm worried constantly.
It makes it hard for me to focus at work. I told my mom and her sister about this and they both have tried to convince her that this is a mistake but that didn't work either.
She talks about how they are taking it slow but I've already told her that is as far as it can possibly go because he's not going to move for her because he has a child and no job and he certainly got not going to move to America from England.

I know she doesn't believe me and she refuses to stop talking to him. The other day she said something offhand about leaving and it broke me. I told her that if she ever left me I would fight for custody of the children. She had a mental breakdown began crying.

We talked again but she calm down and we decided to stay together but she still won't give up the other guy she added a few hateful things like that she would never be back together again with me no matter what happened with this guy.
I don't know if it what's the hate and pain that caused her to say that. I feel like she flaunts him in front of me just to torture me even more. She began to act like our entire marriage was terrible and that I always made her feel like she was insignificant.

Right now nothing I do or say matters I come home from a long day at work she gets up and immediately starts to berate me over every single small perceived slight. She tells me that every single one of these just prove to her that she is insignificant. I remain calm throughout all of this but on the inside I'm dying. Then she goes right back to messaging him.

At this point I don't know if there's any hope left for us and I love her and I want her back but I don't know what to do. I've been trying everything I can to win her back but working out being really nice and doing all the things that she said I should have done to begin with but it's not working and I feel like I'm fighting alone.

At this point I almost want to just start dating again because I can't take the stress of this much longer. I know if I go on even one date I'll probably torpedo any chance of a future with her.
I just can't live like this very much longer and I don't know what to do. Thank you everyone for reading this post any suggestions are desperately needed.