First Buds

[mustardseed]

Positive points about what went down this week:
>His true colors are showing. He even resorted to childish tactics of whispering my typical annual income during our marriage under our breath so that he could lead into tearing me down for losing my job last year. I didn't bite, the therapist told him he was being unnecessarily mean.

>I was strong in my convictions and opinions but did not personally attack or try to defame him or his family, and I was honest about how I feel about OW. I don't like her or have any respect for her. I am not going to pretend any different. And I'm not going to make the kids feel like they have to take sides, but I am not going to lie to them about my feelings if they ask. As far as I'm concerned there is no need for me to ever discuss her with the kids unless they bring it up, in which case my motto is, be honest--but don't tell them more than they need to know. The C said that was fair. He didn't like that. In his mind being honest is the same as bad mouthing. I guess that is true for someone who wants to always get away with doing awful things. Lies and secrets are their only defense.

>The A is no longer a secret

>His image with the kids is in full fledge damage control so the love bombing will continue (they are safe for a little longer)
They seem to be ok (of course he didn't actually tell them about the A just that he and OW are BFFs and love each other--which D already knew and S saw through).

>He is starting to reveal that his big issue with custody is that he doesn't want to be tied into seeing them as frequently as I was trying to arrange.

I am judgy about the whole thing, and let some of that slip out with the kids, but I am getting that under wraps. One moment of weakness.

I am doing some overload reading of narc abuse today to keep it all in perspective. Separating the reality from his set design. That is for me to do. They still have to live in his self-made world so I have to be careful to not tear that down in front of them. They are safer if they are buying into it while they are with him. At least that is what I think right now. I am still so new at all of this.

I don't really care how their R plays out but I am curious about it. Since it is so wonderful and loving right now, he described it in a way that reminded me a lot of where we were when we first met. Even the way he described how much his family loved her. Same script different woman. But it is interesting how this all might unfold. I think they've got a good 5 years before things start to really deteriorate. I suspect it will start after he no longer has to give me support, because I get to be scape goat for a while to hide is financial mismanagement. I wonder if he will start grooming a new target that final year so he can do the discard before it all comes to light.

Or maybe it won't happen. Maybe she is on top of things and will take control of the finances before the love-bombing phase ends. I find it all fascinating.If I didn't have kids in the mix I might even find it entertaining. It is all going to play out the way it does. I am being written off the show, and will have my own spin-off that is turning out to be refreshingly free from drama and satisfyingly boring--I just have to finish up my last few guest appearances--and then I am done.