Divorces R Us

[hydin]

Hardest part of the process is admitting that his behavior makes sense to him. He feels something was the cause. Usually the truth is somewhere between what the leaver and left feel is the truth. It was easier for him to leave you than to stay. Faced the same road after 26 years.

I found a website that opened my eyes all FREE information on all types of relationship types and issues. He is a retired divorced counselor with great wisdom and a way of showing you gently where things apply to you and your soon to be ex... gently but enlightening. No worry of pressure to buy one thing... I think the only thing he sells are MP#'s of the exact talks he publishes for free... to hear his voice. I learned so much about me and my ex.

He is blunt sometimes. "are you a controller? sure you are" - we all are in different situation... or everyone makes sense all the time... to themselves. or no one ever agrees with you, sometimes they tell you.. (totally agree that is). Good stuff. May bring comfort. Of course the sooner you realize and get comfortable that your opinion of him and what he does doesn't matter, his does and the more you focus on you rather than him the growth will start. It is easy to see things through your eyes or your son's eyes, tainted by your opinion, rather than see clearly. What happened on Fathers day made sense to him. You mentioned traffic... What if he was spending the entire time he was in traffic worrying about getting there in time to see your son? He could have been. Your comment caused blame to come your way. A different choice may have been... traffic? wow I bet you were stressing. Instead of imagining he didn't care.

The hand on his? Normal reaction. He has shown little sign of wanting to reconcile. It made sense to you because that is what you thought was right to do for both of you. He didn't agree. Both of you are equally entitled to feel the way you did. No wrong or right. He may not see any of the things changing he is hoping to see. He might have thought you wanted to get physical and he panicked or didn't trust himself. Until you know of a second woman imagining one does no good. Even if there is one it is up to you to decide if that is a deal breaker or not in your effort to reconcile.

Work only on your side of the street. His is none of your business and your opinion on what he does or doesn't do is just that, your opinion. It will not help you meet your goal. make sure all thoughts and movements take you toward your goal. Research says it takes our spouse 6 months to see a change as a change and another 6 months to believe it is real. Nothing you do will change his opinion if that is his timetable. It does get better. One hard step is to admit where we should have acted differently without then excusing ourselves because of what they did or were doing. It is ok to have messed up or mess up. check out the al t site and see if it interests you. I have pushed it for 5 years and never had someone be disappointed. I don't know al or anything... except he has helped me and so far it has cost me $3.. I bought an mp3. If you do you will forever hear his voice when you read his stuff. He is like you would expect from his photos. great gift to all of us.