Friday, went out with friend while H was out with D9 at princess dance. Friend and I saw a romantic comedy, not my type of movie. And, with my sitch, it made me cranky.
Later, she asked me to go bowling. H had just gotten home and called to ask what I was doing. He sounded cranky also, and I assumed he was in a bad mood. He asked what I was doing and sounded hurt that I was going out w/o him. I felt bad and asked him along. I shouldn't have, knowing my mood and that I wanted to be independent that night. We wound up being cranky with each other, which was mostly my picking at his buttons.
I admit, I was bad. But, he did hold me all night after we went to bed.
Sat, we went out with my XBF and his GF and H's friend who is divorcing. We have always gotten along with my XBF, but recently H has been aggravated because my XBF, whom I am very close to and cares about me, and happens to be very good at seeing inside people, told me he thought H had OW. H was mad at this because he sees it as a betrayal, that XBF doesn't trust him. I told H that he is crazy because XBF was right. He still doesn't see it that way. XBF also talks a lot and gets on some people's nerves. I admit, he's hard to take sometimes. H's friend has a crush on XBF's GF and hates my XBF. So, that was tense. But, H wanted me to invite them, so I did. The evening wound up OK, but we spent the whole day together and the afternoon was tense. H and I went home and watched movies and then to bed. He held me again and ML this morning. He initiated it, which is unusual but not unheard of. He actually did all the touching. It was nice. Still no eye contact.
He seemed in a very good mood after that. We had a good day together, H has some new students (my friends from dog resuce) for karate, and we spent the day with them after their first lesson.
Went home, watched movies, and then he gave me a karate lesson. I got frustrated because H has class twice a week for his students, but I am not treated like a student. Even though I take it seriously and study and pay him, he will drop my class at the first sign of something else fun to do, he doesn't test me for belts, even though I should be a few belts up from white by now. I got angry that he has fluffed off my classes for a few weeks and I had forgotten material. Started crying out of frustration and didn't want to, but couldn't stop myself. H said he understood and we had class. I was angry throughout and took it out on the moves. Got out some frustration. It wound up good, though, as we wound up playing with foam weapons and laughing and I kicked his butt, mostly because I am short (he's very tall, so I can get under his "radar" very easily) and he didn't expect me to be so fearless.
So, I'm taking a break to try to keep up my PMA and hopefully we will wind up finishing up our night the way we just ended karate class, with laughs and smiles and closeness. I don't think I backslid to the point of undoing anything I have accomplished to date, but I do think I lost some good opportunities at DBing.
I did realize that H liked it when I asked him today if I could stretch my legs out on him while sitting on the couch and share my blanket. Usually I wait for H to offer, and I think he liked me being aggressive and close to him. He got weird when I began touching his chest, though. (I used to like to rub it, it's hypnotic to feel his heartbeat) Perhaps too close to intimate for him.
