14 days of sheer hell - to get to heaven

[sandi2]

I want to say something and you may or may not take it in the right spirit.........I am hoping you will.

If your troubles have caused you to seek God and live a life pleasing to him, then that part is good. I hope you are studying the Bible and have a pastor or teacher to guide you along the way. When left to our own human wisdom, we can often read a very different meaning in scripture, to make it fit our viewpoint. You once said that you had been out of church for many years, or never was that deep into religion (I can't remember the exact words). Then you immediately began telling others what God hates, what he wants us to do, what you are telling God, and other things along this subject. I am concerned about some of your concepts, but this is not the place to get into a theological discussion. My main concern, for you DDJ, is that you be very careful of things you say and of self-righteousness. (You can't hear my voice, but I'm using very soft and carrying tones).

I have self-righteous betrayed spouses in past times, and I honestly don't think they saw it in themselves. IMHO, it somehow tied in with their W being the one who did wrong and they were the "right" spouse. Their SR had heavy tones of anger. These were H's who managed to get their WW back, but was left with a bitter taste for quite a while.

I am not suggesting that anyone shouldn't have the emotions they feel after betrayal. Speaking as a former WW and from the VP of my side of the street, I will tell anyone that self-righteousness will not serve the betrayed spouse in the MR. Never! It is one thing to be a lighthouse, but quite another to have a self-righteous attitude. The SR attitude does not shine a light of love. It mainly causes a person to look like an a$$. I don't think that is what you want to do.

But, how many of us say - what is God trying to show us by taking the one person that we love "away" from us? Maybe he's telling us that we need to put Him first. The one problem with the DB theory is that it forgets God's role within a MR, and that He accepts, yet frowns upon D.

This is only your opinion and how you are trying to project your spiritual philosophy.

So do I hang on to her and not let her go OR do i do the "right" thing, regardless as to whether i want to hold on. The answer to that question is always YES. Always do what YOU believe is the right thing, regardless of how you feel. I think sadhub said that best.
This feels more right than anything I have ever done in my entire life. I think that more people should be accepting of the consequences of their actions and inactions, and move forward.

If you are a Christian, then you learn the teachings of the Lord and follow His "rights". If not, you follow whatever your spiritual system teaches. Yes, you follow the principles, standards, moral integrity that was taught as you were growing up. Hopefully, they line up with your spiritual belief...........but whenever man is involved, there is room for error. I have seen very bad teaching from some parents.

I get a strong sense you want your W to be punished. I am concerned you may be giving her a picture of one who has elevated himself, b/c she is a sinner and he is blameless and right.

When you left here, I thought you were on your way to divorce. Suddenly, you are back and talking about how God hates divorce. DDJ, I believe you want to be here giving everyone advice, b/c that it is how you came on board in the very first post. And that's okay if you will allow yourself to still be a learner. Whenever a teacher prepares to present a lesson before his class, do you know who learns the lesson first? Whenever a preacher prepares for his sermon, do you know who gets the message first? If we intend to save anyone from drowning, what must we do first?

But instead, we fight, we hang on even though it feels unnatural - the anxiety, the insomnia - it goes away when you accept that you have no control over someone who no longer respects, cares or loves you. Sandi says drop them, and I say that D is a great way to do it. (sorry sandi - lol)

I have never been happier in my life, (I may be delusional but) i am filled with joy. I have never slept so well in my life. I taste food like i've never tasted before. I feel emotions I have never felt before. I can see tomorrow, even further and everything that has happened over the last 3 months is a blur. My aim when i joined this forum was to detach and be the person only a fool would leave - I believe that I have done this. I believe that God has given me an out in D to find Him and our own happiness, in Him.

You kind of use some things I've said out of context, too.

I wish I could believe you are happy, but I don't. Neither do I think God is a respector of man, and makes an exception for one over the other.

I tell you what, before trying to make such a big decision about to divorce or not, why not just separate from her and see how well you do with the detachment? There's your real problem, DDJ.