Lost at the moment

[lfm]

Thanks DDJ. I agree, I'm letting her control my emotions, and that's something I need to continue to work on as far as detaching is concerned. It seems that I have a couple of good days where I feel like I'm not concerned about her or what she's doing and then something like last night happens and sets me back and lets some of those same emotions from when I found out about the OM creep back in.

Clearly I haven't detached as much as I think I have and I need to do more.

[DDJ]

Sandi has a lot of prized POVs' - the treating like a neighbour is a good one. You must see my WW go out and buy her own food and make it herself. I smile.

Perhaps you should show her the consequences of her actions. Kick her out of the room. If the kids ask, tell them to "ask mom why".

Then the best one is growing a new set of testicles, since your and my WW clearly has our old pair. Now, my new pair is filling up since i'm the only one not having sex in my house but... Last week thursday my WW had the total disrespect to have OM at home during a barbeque with her cousins. I said that i wanted all friends gone by 7pm, got home at 8-30, guess who was there. Then left and gave her time to take him home. But guess who was there at 9.

I took my testicals, with God's help, put them on the table (figuratively speaking) and firmly said that he must leave my house. I repeated myself with steely killer eyes until he left, with his tail between his legs and my WW following. Do you know i FANTASTIC THAT FELT! He meant nothing to me, she meant nothing to me. There was only me. i was alone, I was a real man.

[lfm]

Great points DDJ. I definitely need to work on some of those things. I am fortunate in the fact that she refuses to bring the OM into our residence, I think primarily becuase we always have kids around, but it's nice to not have to worry about that. When she sees the OM its out somewhere or at his residence, so I don't think I'll have the exact same opportunity, but can definitely evaluate some new boundries that I can then enforce like sleeping somewhere else, etc.

[Scrant]

Ifm, thanks for checking on my thread. I understand how you are feeling, we still want the emotional and physical closeness even when they are obsessed with OM. The week W waited for OM's flat to be ready was the strangest of my life. Long hugs, kisses and deep chats at all hours. Looking back you realize that there is a mixture of conscience easing, affection, remorse and keeping you in place. You know that you're going to have to decide what works for you and set some boundaries in place.You can't let her think she can do whatever she wants and you're ok with it. I learnt that the hard way. I really hope it works out for you, keep up with the GAL and have a great weekend.

[lfm]

Thanks Scrant. Day has been kind of a weird one. Wife texted me asking if it was okay for her and 3 of my daughters to come join me for lunch. I basically ignored her through the meal and focused on talking to my daughters. I made it a little bit easier on myself by sitting next to my wife rather than across from her, so I didn't really have to look at her at all.

I did walk them out to the car, and my wife gave me a hug and said thanks for letting them come for lunch. I know the hug doesn't mean anything, but it's not doing much for my state of mind. I find myself struggling to get focused on work again this afternoon.

I guess the good news is I live in Nebraska and am taking the same 3 daughters to a College World Series game. My WW on the other hand will be going to a farewell party for a co-worker that is leaving. Unfortunately OM will be there as he works at the same place. I can't dwell on that, but makes me a bit uncomfortable. Hopefully it's a good night and I can just enjoy spending the time with my daughters.

Anyway, Happy Friday everyone! I'll try and update over the weekend.

[lfm]

Had a great night with my daughters at the baseball game last night. It brought me some peace of mind in that it showed me what things might look like if I'm never able to reconcile with my WW. I had to pick them up on my way home from work, and get in the car and go. My wife was doing her own thing last night, so it really was what it might be like if we were living apart.

I even made a comment to her as we were going to bed that it was good to see what things might be like when we go our separate ways (notice I said when rather than if) and she responded with a quiet drawn out okay...

Anyway, hope everyone has a great day today, last night is definitely helping me detach further and we'll see how the rest of the weekend goes.

[lfm]

Had a decent day today, went for a run this morning by myself, went shopping, bought some new clothes, and then went and hung out at the pool with my 3 youngest daughters for a while this afternoon.

I haven't been as obsessed with my wife this weekend, always wondering who she is texting, where she is or monitoring her phone usage, which is good progress for me I think. I've struggled up until now with that as it's so easy to check the usage for cell phones or to track my wife's location. I've still got a lot to work on in terms of the overall detachment, but feel like I'm getting to being able to just walk away myself. I think I've come to the realization "What am I holding on too?" She is definitely not the woman I married, and I don't see her ever wanting to be with me the way I would want her to. I think at this point I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

I know I'll struggle at times with this, there will be triggers, but feeling pretty good about how things have gone through the weekend. We're now officially a month away from closing on the new house, so the focus is just on making sure that goes smoothly for the kids.

Hope everyone had a decent weekend and that you all have a good start to the week!

[RSG]

It seems that I have a couple of good days where I feel like I'm not concerned about her or what she's doing and then something like last night happens and sets me back

I just had one of those moments a few days ago. I found something among S preschool artwork with that loser's name on it in her handwriting. I lit into her in texts, she called crying 10-15 minutes later saying she's "sorry" (rather than remorseful or asking for forgiveness) and somehow it turned into me thinking she wanted back in and her talking complete unintelligible nonsense in response. I ended up being angrier for 2 days than I've ever been in my life.

I'm back on track now, but those were two horrible days. It's so hard to keep your emotions out ALL THE TIME. I had done pretty well for weeks, but one moment got my blood boiling and it took ages to calm down.

Good luck to you. Sounds like you're confident in where you are right now.

[lfm]

Thanks RSG. Still have plenty of work to do on myself, but trying to get through each day best I can.

Good luck to you as well!

[hawker]

I am kind of in the same boat except we are separated. My wife is in a EA and won't stop and work on our marriage. I have found these boards recently and I wish I would have found them alot sooner!

Hang in there and detach!!