SH, I am so glad to see your post! I missed it until just now, so we must have both been typing at the same time again yesterday. The site has definitely been having issues.
I am sorry that you are still feeling off right now, and I want you to know that I am still here for you every step of the way. Try not to overthink your feelings too much. You have been through something incredibly traumatic, it is still ongoing, and whatever you are feeling is absolutely normal. I really do hope that you either keep seeing your therapist or find yourself another one who can be of more use to you.
Perhaps you might want to think about grief counseling for yourself. I think that it has helped me a great deal and that I have benefitted a great deal by learning this new set of tools. Look up the grief recovery method and you will come to a link for finding local support. My seven sessions only cost $250, and it was worth every penny and a whole lot more. the price varies by location, but I honestly think that so many people here could benefit from it. Think about it, SparrowHawk. I'm feeling a bit worried about you. It sounds like you really do need a break from going through the motions. I hear that Phoebe's semi-B&B is welcoming guests.
I'm all over the place these days - up, down and sideways, but now I know it's all normal for me, and I will get through it. That is empowering.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16