What I'm scared of he is a master manipulator and I've watched him in action. It's not about playing to win, it's about doing ANYTHING not to lose.
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His patience and compassion is almost nonexistent and has been for years... Maybe his whole life.
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I don't think he would care for me if I was sick or just uncomfortable. He just doesn't have that capacity.
Just reminding you, Feyth, of a few things you've said about your H. None of these qualities make him sound like an appealing choice for the future father of your children, or even for a long-term relationship.
It's important to own our own stuff and work on improving ourselves, but seriously - this guy hasn't really been a partner. He made impulsive life-altering decisions without consulting you, was likely cheating more-and-earlier than you know, and still lays all the blame on you.
I suspect his contacting you after your discussion is either: - a ploy to get you to agree to his financial terms. Do NOT agree to anything financial until you have discussed it with your attorney. And if you don't have one, get one now.
- a backtracking to try to keep you on the hook a little longer as his "Plan B", just in case.
- a brief moment of actual shame over his behavior (don't worry, it won't last but a second.)
Ironically, I accidentally ran across a very old email from my ex yesterday, from when he finally announced he was leaving. In it, he's SO invested in trying to still be seen as the "good guy", (narcissistic traits) that he's telling me all about how he "tried" but he "just can't make me happy and I deserve to be free to find someone who will".
Well actually, I was very happy in my marriage, and I'm a relentlessly cheerful person by nature. The only thing making me unhappy at all at that time was his cheating, constant criticism, and him bailing out on the marriage!
But he had to think of himself as a good guy, never could admit to himself that he just wanted to leave a perfectly loving, kind, smart and caring wife to go out and find somebody different because HE was depressed.
But one thing he was right about - I did deserve someone who could love me better than he was at that time. And EVERY man I dated after him treated me better and couldn't understand what an idiot he was to give up someone like me. My boyfriend now actually thanked my ex for divorcing me, so that I was available for boyfriend to find!
