I might sound like a bad mother, but kids spent their first night during the week with their dad and I had a good evening. I got on with more unpacking and wasn't stressed to get kids in bed! Though I didn't sleep that well as I guess I was missing them.
Tomorrow will my first week in my house and I feel stronger by the day. Still think from time to time about my situation, but I have got to admit that no longer being in marital home is such a relief!
H gave me his holidays date and I have to admit it hurt me as we had said that the first thing we will do when the house is sold is go on a family vacation. Now I understand what he has felt when I was going to see my parents! But this doesn't excuse what he did, and I needed/ need to see my family too!
In a way I'm laughing because I know that it's finally over between us and that we will never R, but H said that he'd file for divorce as soon as house is sold, but instead he is going on holidays! It has been 16 months since we have been separated, now I feel I'm divorced and I have to put up with H because of the kids! I don't pray anymore for R or saving my M, I'm praying to carry on becoming a better me, to a better life for my kids and me.
Today I got told by a colleague how amazing she thinks I am because she said that I only took 2 days off work in the last 16 months ( break up, dad's heart surgery, mum's breast ablation and moving house all on my own!), and it was the first time I truly believe this compliment. I'm realising I'm stronger than I think I am and that was/ is only my mind that makes me doubt myself when the evidence are pointing in the other direction.
I also have faith in God and I genuinely believe that everything will work out in the end.
