Chapter 2, She moved out - I win! I think

[bigybiz]

Help, Help,

Calling all friends, supporters, and those with a big stick (that means you Sandi2, Cadet, Christy, etc)

W and I are going to MC earl Friday morning. Where do I start? Do we talk with the Dr about:

Communication
Money, Kids, House and Legal stuff
Divorce
Her EA
Reconcilliation
Trust
etc.

I'm fairly sure if I don't go with something specific to talk about it will end up being a storm.

Any ideas please

BB

[J5K]

What is most important for you right now?

How about communicating your boundaries in order to have her under the same roof and see where that leads with the MC.

[bigybiz]

Excellent question.

The most important thing is reconciliation go or no go. We have one issue that has stopped us from moving ahead on reconciliation.

She wants to travel to attend conferences, network, etc. That is a big issue for me. I said maybe and/or let's get help to figure it out.

We have had fleeting convos about reconciling and this issue keeps coming up and we don't resolve it. For me if we could resolve it great. If not that will determine the path.

Here are the details

Last year when she did she started an EA at a conference (that I was not happy about her going to). I suspected, snooped, I confronted her over and over (I thought it was a PA), she denied it. I then deceived and manipulated her to find out the truth.

To add to the issue, I contacted the OM told him to back off - he dropped her like a stone and she was mad.

So over the past 6 weeks this has come up. We don't have the communication, trust, honesty, etc to work this out. So it just lingers.

That is the most important issue to me.

What do you all think? Should this be the issue or is it too big? Should we find something else.

[J5K]

What solution does she suggest in order to be transparent with you to allow her to go to these conferences.

Wish I had a good answer. How many does your W want to go to? Maybe You can compromise on limiting the number per year?

[bigybiz]

Right now she does not think a compromise is needed. She keeps saying for her to come back I could not do anything to interfere with her work/career.

[bigybiz]

Do you all think this is too hot of a topic? Should I stick to something else?

[J5K]

What else should you talk about? Isn't the first step for her to come home? That is what she wants. If you can't communicate and come to an agreement with that topic how can you start to discuss improving communication and the other things you listed?

Which topic will give you a positive outcome?

[bigybiz]

JK: I don't know. Sometimes in life you strive to get agreement on small things first. That way you build trust, etc. I see this issue as 6 see shes it as a 10.

We could talk about, communication, next steps for divorce, visitation with kids, accommodation, etc

[bigybiz]

Sorry, I should have also said, that better communication is good topic no matter which way the relationship goes.

[J5K]

I agree still a good topic no matter which way.