It's fine. I think the hard part for me is as much as I am ok with this M ending and having to move on as I know I don't need my W back. There is still part of me that would like her back but as we see, she would have to do the work on herself and find the understanding of her part of why this went wrong. I'm just not sure if she is capable of that.
I know I need to fix the broken parts of me, something I will continue to do for my own benefit. I can see now that last year I was actually not much different than she is now, broken emotionally to the point I had put some walls up and could only see my own hurt. Screaming inside to be heard, no different from her and it turned me into someone I don't/didn't recognize.
That's why sometimes I have felt like writing a letter to my W, which I have and my IC thinks I should send it to her. I'm on the fence about it though as W still chose friends over working on our M. She has still shown many ways of the WW with her lies, sneaking around and neglect of the kids. I do think this colleague became an emotional attachment for sure, someone she was not willing to give up. I don't know how much he is in the picture at the moment, as she hasn't done some of the things a WW does. At times she seems like a WAW more these days but has shown no remorse or intention to reconcile.
Honestly, I had one day before BD that I nearly upped and left for a few days. There was no other involvement of someone else for me but things were not right and it needed to get better. Dynamics needed to change on both sides.
