All LBS's contemplate firing the D word in to try and get a reaction; hey, I even tried it myself! IT DOESN'T WORK. Unless you really want to D (depending on your bar as to what would be a 'point of no return') it will have no effect on your WAS, as they really don't care right now.
Ask yourself - do you really want to D? If you do, then go for it. I understand you want the pain to go away, and you want some closure, but unless you really want to walk away, don't start it off.
Also, writing letters and making grand announcements don't work either. The only thing which ever affected my W's behaviour was when I said, quite calmly, that if she took the children away (at this point she wanted to move 230 miles away), I would never forgive her. Now, something clicked in her mind and she knew I was being serious, and she didn't move away. OK, we're not back together and things are still a bit muddled, but she saw I meant business, didn't try to cover it in nice words or grand statements, I just put down facts.
Hope that helps guys.
The letters are just words, I realize. Now for action. I was in trouble today for not waking her up before I left for work, her phone went dead I guess and made her and S13 who was sleeping with her late. HE HE, how is that my responsibility. She is mad at me, but guess what, I will let it roll off my shoulders. She gave me no indication last night of her plans this morning, I just figured she was sleeping in.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
