If you want to get your W back, then you acknowledge her, show her interest. But let her know that you're there, just not there for her.
As for her being a drifting mom - from my experience - my STBXWW does not know what love is, so she does whatever she has learnt from tv and best practices. She'd take pics, say i love you to our S, but it's sort of "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" with her most times. Disregard her about her lack of affection.
As for the lighthouse, if you know what real love is, show your kids, she will see what real love is and might find it in her heart one day. But again, your focus is in the wrong place. It must be on you.
Off topic though - I think that you should comment on other peoples threads, you'd get better reception on your own. Also, you need to step out of your comfort zone and become more confident. Not to get your W back, so that you can live a better life and getting the things that you need!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
