Lost in Fangorn Forest

[Zues126]

W, thank you for your post. I will reread your post and sit with it, however I do also just need to voice my reaction before I can continue to reflect on your point of view further.

My father was my stepmother's one and only true love. Over the years, she slowly withdrew from life and was eventually let go from her job. Nowadays she is shuddered inside her own house and will not go out to events/gatherings. She simply was very afraid to open her heart to anyone. Her health isn't good these days and never allowed a man in her life ever again. In short, she's closed herself off from the world because of her deep-seated fear of getting hurt. Incredibly sad and heartbreaking to witness.

You say "Try not to judge other people too harshly for we all are perfect imperfect human beings doing our best in our personal journey called Life." Yet you judge your stepmother's path as 'sad and heartbreaking', a disappointment, a loss, a failure to share the human experience, and a path that should be warned against.

Is it not possible that she simply realized she wasn't likely to find the relationship she wanted in her life, and would prefer not to settle for something as disposable as modern day partnerships? That she would prefer to have a memory of a marriage that was her committed God given vow, and not cheapen it by filling the hole with a series of liaisons? Is it not possible that she innately understood the pain that it would cause her to go through a loss like that again, and that the likelihood and depth of that pain exceeded in her heart the journey of walking her own path?

If we want to talk about anecdotes, could we not also talk about the people that go through multiple divorces and die alone as well? And those that remain in a miserable marriage that they dream of being free of?

There is pain, disappointment, and suffering in everyone's life. We don't get to pick a path that avoids it. We simply pick the type of suffering that we're best suited for.

There is a chance I'll go down the path your stepmother did. There is a chance I'll feel differently in a few years. I don't know. But I'm not too worried about it, because I will always be doing my best in my own path called life as you say.

Now tell me why you insist in continuing to hold on to the false pride of being "crippled." How is that serving you and your children?!

Wonka, I simply refuse to minimize the impact that divorce has. I'm not going to pretend that you simply grieve for a while then adjust and everything will be ok again. MWD said the same thing which is why I copied the quote.

How this serves my children is that they will have at least one parent that models the beliefs and values that D is not an option. They will ultimately choose their own road, and their mom and the rest of our culture can send contrary messages. But I have one vote to case, one opportunity to express my influence, and I will vote how I believe. If my kids stick out a marriage that they were near walking from had I been less passionate, if my experience can save them from the profound loss I've incurred, then I will be delighted. If it doesn't, at least I won't have blood on my hands as I will know I did what was in my power.

Since I wrote this I have reread your post and my reply. It seems very right to me. I am not trying to be contrary. I simply see things a bit differently. I can accept that I am in the minority, but I've been a little different all of my life, I guess I can get used to it...:)