I really want to challenge you here in breaking through your own self-imposed exile from love.
I have been following your thread and seeing wonderful contributions from incredible posters sharing their thoughts, insights and experiences. The one thing that really saddens me is seeing you using the "divorce is murder" and "I'm crippled" mindset as a cloak to keep potentially worthy women at bay all because of your deep-seated fear of being hurt again. Let me tell you a story that will, hopefully, awaken you to what may lie ahead of you if you continue with this defiant stance of self-protection. It will come at a great cost to you.
Take my birth mother and stepmother and their respective journeys post-divorce.
My birth mother and my father divorced when I was very young. Both went on to re-marry other spouses. Dad to my stepmother and mom to her husband. This is where the road splinters off into different directions for the two women.
My father and stepmother had a very acronimous divorce in which my father banned her and her family from having any contact with me. Keep in mind that I was only a child at that time....aged 11. Talk about feeling powerless and voiceless at that stage of my life! (It isn't any wonder that I had MLC later on in adulthood...I digress) Several years went on and they furgitively reconciled without any of their families knowing about it due the dreadful divorce. They tried their best to hold it together for a few more years and they split for good.
My father was my stepmother's one and only true love. Over the years, she slowly withdrew from life and was eventually let go from her job. Nowadays she is shuddered inside her own house and will not go out to events/gatherings. She simply was very afraid to open her heart to anyone. Her health isn't good these days and never allowed a man in her life ever again. In short, she's closed herself off from the world because of her deep-seated fear of getting hurt. Incredibly sad and heartbreaking to witness.
My mom? She's remarried to her current husband of 33 years now. What she did was keeping her heart open to possibilities. Then she met him at a restaurant and hasn't looked back from that fateful day. She's very active in her community, visits her grandchildren, writes stories, and remodels homes. Super duper active while my stepmother sleeps a most days this frittering away her life.
The moral of this story is how one responds to life's events is what determines your future AND happiness.
And there's a postscript to this as well.
Years ago before my father died, he came home one day from the local bookstore and related this story where he was in an aisle browsing books in which he overheard a group of women talking. Dad turned to face me in the family room afterward, in his best "can you believe this" voice, "they were going on and on about their divorce EVEN after 20 years! Incredible." He then walked away shaking his head.
Now tell me why you insist in continuing to hold on to the false pride of being "crippled." How is that serving you and your children?!
Oh and by the way Mom's husband was a divorced father as well.
Try not to judge other people too harshly for we all are perfect imperfect human beings doing our best in our personal journey called Life.
