Well, my thread finally got locked out. 205 posts, not bad. But I knew I was a goner soon.
So, getting back to my last "insight" (if you can really call it that.) Here is the post from the old thread.
Hey all, I think I just hit upon something major. While driving back from getting my lunch, I remembered that when I first started DBing, when H would come home, the dogs go to meet him at the door with wags and bounces and smiley faces. I would join them and yell "Daddy's home, daddy's home" and throw myself into his arms. These were the days of major baby steps.
One day, he had had a bad day and didn't respond well. I didn't do it the next day. I began to look for other things to do. When he came home, I would be busy. I began to distance. I may have met him cautiously at the door and waited for him to hug me first, or not met him at all.
What a difference, huh? From his perspective, a HUGE difference.
So, I changed to being more cautious, then he seemed to stop growing closer to me. I took his distance as him not feeling for me and didn't connect it to my actions. I tried to distance more and began to look into his every move more (analyzing).
So, last night I tested my theory. However, he came home and it was SS14's bday. I ran to the livingroom, but he was already hugging his S. OK, good, he did the old birthday spanking, etc. Then went to the kitchen to say hello to dogs. Completely missing me. Sigh, that didn't go well. But, that's OK. I have been not meeting him at the door for a few weeks, so he may have been putting up a wall.
Finally, I said, "Hey, I didn't get a hug!" He brightened visibly, smiled wide, and gave me the hugest (is that a word?) hug ever. Picked me off the floor, swung me around, and just gave off tons of joy. I was so happy. YAY! This may actually work.
Tonight, I will meet him at the door with huge PMA and hugs waiting.
Come on more baby steps! I'm counting on you.
We went out for his S's bday dinner last night and got home pretty late. Watched our favorite show-South Park-and then went to bed. Great night. Lots of laughter, snuggling in bed, and woke up and ML. Threw out a few Monty Python lines in bed before getting up - those always make H smile and start off his day well. "My hovercraft is full of eels." "Would you like to go back to my place, bouncy bouncy?" LOL
So, he started his day off well. Got no eye contact during ML, but I did get him to touch me. That's something at least. Three hugs before he left, and he seemed really happy.
Then, a babystep! YAY!
I had mentioned a few weeks ago to H that I knew he turned on his cell phone after he left the house because his FF/OW called him and left him voice mails sometimes. Today, as he was leaving, I saw a hesitation in his step and he backed up a step. Standing in the doorway of the bedroom where I was, he reached down and turned on his phone. Didn't make it obvious, but he did it. He hung out in the doorway for a moment, and then went to the livingroom. I couldn't help it, I had to go give him another hug.
He is trying so hard to let me know that he's trying. He texts me on my phone when he stays late and sends me pictures of himself at work, so I know where he is. Subtle things that I may have missed before reading DR. Thanks Michele for opening my eyes.
