After 3 months of misery and heartache I have written a letter to my wife and read it out loud to her today at lunch. Among other things this is the paragraph that broke my heart the most to write.
"This is the most difficult decision I have had to make in my lifetime. I have to protect myself and my emotional bank, which is almost completely empty. I do not want a divorce, we are just trading one set of problems for another. But for me it seems at this time it is the best solution for resolution and closure. You are the love of my life and I have thought very carefully about this, I will say it again I do not want this."
I am sad and relieved all at the same time. Still detaching as spending time with her to even talk about this drew me closer to her. I am not sure when her head will be exposed from the fog, perhaps never but this is just something I had to do. I cannot live with a woman that continues to lie about her activities. Says she is doing what she can to save the M but shows the actions of the complete opposite.
When I discovered her first A (that happened 8 to 10 years ago) she continued an emotional A (perhaps more) and I still believe she is with someone at work also. I found a text the day after we where supposed to have a "talk" mocking our discussion about the M. This is what sticks in my craw the most, it isn't about the physical stuff, although that is hard to think about also, it is that she shared intimate details about our M struggles to the OM.
It is a hard day to DB, hard day to detach, and on the low end of a roller coaster ride. This will be some hard times ahead for both of us.
I am worried the affects this will have on my S13. He is having a hard time right now but not showing it really well.
Hope all out there are having a better day then me.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
