I don't really have any advise. Just reading with interest. There are a couple of other posters that seemed to do well with dating..eye tie, Tim R. And then some others that did not.
I don't really have a strong opinion on this as I have yet to read many situations from those that have dated successfully (They seem to stop posting)but i am very curious to see how they do down the line.
When I first came on, I would read these stories of spouses that cheated or serial cheated and think to myself, "go find yourself someone else. Your spouse is not worth it. You make them jealous". An eye for an eye. I don't really feel that way anymore.
There were times that i wanted to take a lover. There still is. How nice would it be to have physical intimacy, to have someone to talk to, to have someone around that likes me, to distract me from how depressing it is to be rejected and abandoned. But most of all to give me hope for my future.
I never went that route. I am glad that I did not. I know that because I am capable of going it alone, I will never be dependent on anyone in the future. I also know that I am not in need of others for ego gratification...
Now my situation is different from yours in that while we have been physically separated for a long time we are not legally divorced like you. I have not had an affair thrown in my face either. I too sometimes think, "hey life is short. I can make myself emotionally detach Have the typical rebound relationship" so far I haven't really wanted to go there or even sought that. I'm not sure yet if it would make me feel worse afterwards.
I don't know how much help this was. It's unchartered territory for me as well. Vanillas post is great advise for me too.
I think it's great that you are so self aware and have identified a key issue you need to work on.
My only other thoughts would be to continue to focus a lot on your children who definatly need you now more then ever. It sounds like you are really doing great with that. Being a parent is so hard! No one really has the right answers when it comes to raising kids so I understand how intimidating it can be. I don't know what the hell I am doing! I resorted to spraying my son with a water bottle to get him to stop climbing on the kitchen table!
Maybe immerse yourself in single parent support groups and books on parenting if your not sure. I think a lot of it is just giving them quality and non distracted time. When I'm with my son after school I stay away from phone and electronics and focus on him. Maybe it's as simple as that?
