Thank you Esame & HaWho. I also believe in MLC now that I'm experiencing it. I also believe that it should be studied more. It's so unfortunate how much destruction MLCers can do and there is nothing that can help.
But I must admit that since my visit to the new psy I can't help but wonder if all this pain is worth it. HaWho, I read your post & the exact same things are going through my mind. Will I ever be able to look at him again with respect after all that was said & done? I know that things will never be the same again but can I truly forgive him? Can we have again an equal relationship or will I expect that he gives more? Will I ever trust him again & especially do I want to go through all the hard work the reconciliation requires if the result is uncertain. These are the questions I'm asking myself & my answers are different every day. I still hope we'll find a way to be back together but...
With our big trip approaching I'm starting to get a bit nervous about it. It's exactly one month from today. i haven't seen h for more than one month. We e-mail or SMS but not on daily basis. The exchanges are longer than before but still rather limited. I don't initiate them unless it's something practical that has to be said. I really don't know how I'll manage 3.5 weeks together!
Sometimes I think he is waiting to be back from this trip to bring up the divorce again. But I won't let that thought destroy our holidays. Kids are so much looking forward to this trip, I want them to enjoy it in full, without any tension (fingers crossed!).
My MIL calls me often as she has no news from him. It's strange because he usually called her once a week even when they had some disputes. But he sent sms to kids to wish them good luck for exams (no sms to kids since he moved out except very few practical ones with S15 so it's a progress). He also thanked me for Father's Day lunch - yes, I prepared very nice celebration for him & bought some presents for kids to give him, something he really loves, even though he ignored Mother's Day this year. I told him that time that he should expect the same for Father's Day but I just couldn't do it. I cannot ignore such day no matter how horrible he is to me. I prepared everything & left. As I was leaving I looked back at the table nicely set & felt so much pain that I cannot be there to share those moments with them. He sms-ed me later in the evening to thank me. Kids reported he seemed pleased, happy with choice of presents but that he also seemed a bit weird. If he thought he didn't deserve it than he was right about that.
So on & off. Days when I'm so happy, enjoying great days with kids & peace & harmony that our house is again since h left. Cleaning the house, including our garage which was in need for a big clean up for some time now. And then days when I just sit on the sofa, watch & re-watch The Good wife series or listen to Pink's I don't believe you song. Must be the weather :-)!
