My wife walked out 2

[RSG]

Well, just did a Facetime. Little man has little interest, as he's watching something on Nick Jr before bed and says hi Daddy! Got a shower Daddy! Night night! Yeah, tv ain't great for him, but we're excited his attention span has blown up recently so we let him watch a bit.

She was again about to cry. Teachers at her camp are getting sick, quitting and twisting ankles or something. So, she has to scramble to find bodies to watch the kids. I fought VERY hard not to go to my H place and tell her she's doing a great job, working hard, proud of you, etc. I just validated and said this sounds really difficult, then she held in the tears and told S to tell me goodnight. Always hides the tears from me. I'm no dummy. She doesn't want to admit she needs my support. Woman is so stubborn.

Question: What is a temp check? As much as I want to see my son nightly, I'm beginning to think the Facetiming might be a temp check but I'm not completely sure. When I have S, she uses it to say goodnight to him and not much more. When she has him, she talks to me and usually wants reassurance about something with goodnight to S as a little of a throw in.

I can see she's coming out of the fog a bit, but still won't dare be vulnerable near me. It's hard, even when we're on a video chat in 2 different houses about 15 minutes apart, to not see my wife there crying and begging for reassurance but to see a woman who broke up this family and had an A.

I might take my S to Monkey Joe's this weekend, it's a place full of inflatables he can bounce, slide and jump on! He's been before, and he just goes bananas

[RSG]

Facetime this AM, apparently S woke up at 3AM because he peed in the bed. He hates this feeling, and it takes him a while to get back to sleep. Has always slept well when he's at home with Daddy. I can imagine she screamed at him a few times, since I know she's exhausted. She used to take it out on me, but I'm not there to blame anymore.

She sent a couple pics of him around lunchtime enjoying some waterplay. I've been thinking about cutting out the updates. I will still do it of course, but things won't hit home until August for her. That's when she won't see him daily, as he's been a short walk away from her since he first went to the nursery at her preschool at the age of 3mos. We take him Thursday for a trial day at his new preschool, we both think it's a great fit for him. First day is August 1st, we've pretty much already decided I'd take him to school and she'd pick him up.

I'll be running to the store tonight to get him some milk, snacks, etc and finally cleaning up some stuff around the house. Checked the scale last night to see I've lost 5-6lbs in the last month. Nice! All the walking and cutting down on fast food is paying off. The dog is thinning out also.

Next thing I need to work on: Sandi's advice to show no emotion to WW. Just being cordial but keeping happy around S.

[RSG]

Well, not much to report tonight. Quick 2min Facetime as it was almost bedtime and WW was exhausted since S woke up at 3AM.

I got a copy of the five love languages. Enjoying it so far. Took a quiz online and, not surprising to me, mine are touch and quality time. Hers? I'm not so sure yet, but I'm guessing Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service.

I just took the quiz on Apology Language. Mine are Accepting Responsibility and Expressing Regret. Oy. These are the two most difficult things for WW to do, not just now but always.

Excited for S to come back home tomorrow. If it's another nice day, we may hit the pool!

[RSG]

Not much going on today. Facetimed this AM for a few minutes, picked up S from camp and we went to the pool! He had a great time, had supper, watched a little tv and went to bed. Right around the time she got "home" she texted "how's it going" and then called to ask if her Peachtree Road Race number had arrived. I hadn't seen it and said I'd look when we got home. She then said "You didn't throw it out in a rage did you?" And I just sat in silence, then said "why, what did you do?" I reiterated I'd check when we left the pool and said goodbye. Shortly thereafter I texted her that I don't appreciate the wild accusations and she said sorry. I didn't respond.....

When we got back I told her the race number came in and she, surprisingly, said thank you. We talked about his trial day tomorrow at the new preschool, and she called rather than Facetime S for bed which was odd to me. We're meeting at the school tomorrow around 7:15 to give him extra support and then she'll pick him up and bring him home, leaving when I arrive.

It's getting easier for me to detach when she makes stupid accusations, and I'm doing well by not falling for the bait and engaging in an argument. Today and tomorrow aren't really conducive to cutting down on S updates as we're working closely together on the preschool. However, I'm going full speed ahead with it and have determined not to explain it until necessary. I'll just use lame excuses like she has, and still does somewhat. Phone's dying, phone's charging, left phone at home, we're busy, etc. I know cutting out the Facetiming is encouraged, but until he's no longer attending the same preschool she works at it won't really matter too much. I can tell losing the updates will hurt her, I was amazed she texted me around 6 asking about him.

I've also noticed that I have been using her name all the time when we have been on the phone, or in person (Hi W, bye W, etc rather than just hi or bye). She rarely does. So, I'm trying not to use her name. It's a little desensitizing and shows distance, at least that's the way it feels to me.

Anyway, hoping the little guy survives preschool tomorrow. He's not one to acclimate to new surroundings too well, but it's their waterplay day so we're hoping that helps. Got a great picture of S jumping in the pool too!!

[mvgfwd2]

Yes, you don't need to tell her you are purposely reducing trivial communications. That would probably get a bad reaction. Just let her mind wonder about it. This gets her thinking of you and not on others. Telling her doesn't let her mind wonder.

[RSG]

Yes, you don't need to tell her you are purposely reducing trivial communications. That would probably get a bad reaction. Just let her mind wonder about it. This gets her thinking of you and not on others. Telling her doesn't let her mind wonder.

Thanks. You know I never thought of it that way!!

Well, a great day on all fronts so far! Took S to the new preschool, metup with WW at 7. He was happy, excited and friendly. Got to his classroom, picked out a puzzle and was on Cloud 9. This school has CC TV so we've watched him, and he's been very sweet. I'm ecstatic!

As for WW, she was a mess. Crying the entire time, leaving S for the first time in another preschool. We talked all morning about him and how good the place seems, and continue to text through the day. I will say, I've had huge revelations. One, deciding to leave a month ago was obviously strategic. Summer is the easiest time for her, as she'll see him 6 days a week and treat the weeknights he spends with me as "sleepovers with Dad." I can't text her even if I wanted to during the week while he's at camp, but she texts me at all times when I have him. She makes a big deal that she's "let" me have him so much and "does a good job keeping me in the loop" when she has him. Which brings me to point 2.

In August, her "selfless" acts of the Summer will have her thinking I should reciprocate. I'll be taking him to school daily, she'll pick him up and bring him to me so I can take him the next day. She'll probably have him F night-Su night and me the rest. As you may imagine, that's when I'll cut all updates and gradually reduce on Facetime to nil. When she asks I'll remind her "through no choice of my own, we're separated...." The power will be in my hands. The sight of her crying so hard today made me a little sad, but I did a good job of letting her go and simply offering words of encouragement like "he's going to do great" and the like. She's been happy watching him do so well on camera, but is still "really sad" he's gone. I knew she'd be in pain about this, and judging by her reaction when I threatened divorce after finding out about her waywardness, she's going to breakdown and put all the power in my hands. Eventually.

That's 6 weeks away. There's always a chance she wants to talk about us (ie divorce) but I don't want to anymore and will let her know that. It's painful, but time IS on my side. I've been given the blueprints, and that dim light at the end of the tunnel got a little brighter. I didn't take a step forward, but it's like I was pushed. To have access to S like she wants she can only go through one avenue. ME. No, that won't make her fall in love again, but it'll put the breaks on D talk. It'll make her care about her family again because she'll finally see us as a package deal, whereas now she's been able to compartmentalize being away from ME and being away from S.

If anyone sees a flaw in my logic, please chime in!!

[cbtdad]

Sorry RSG!
This may sting a little.
The amount of mind reading in your post is on a whole new level
Yes there are serious flaws in your logic. You can possibly know what she is thinking right now much less 6 weeks from now. You have got to take the focus off the what your actions are doing to get a reaction out of her. Your actions should be for you. They should be what feels right to you to be the best RSG you can be.
In her waywardness I can promise you she isn't thinking about what you and son are doing. She is dreaming of a different life. A life without you.
That is why detaching is so important!!
And when you post about what may happen 6 weeks from now that is clearly not detaching
You don't know what's gonna happen 6 hours from now
Focus on you!!! Be a happy RSG and an awesome father. For you!!! Not for W because maybe it will bring her back

[MoveFrwd]

As cbt said, how does this:

Summer is the easiest time for her, as she'll see him 6 days a week and treat the weeknights he spends with me as "sleepovers with Dad."

In August, her "selfless" acts of the Summer will have her thinking I should reciprocate.

she's going to breakdown and put all the power in my hands.

It'll make her care about her family again

she'll finally see us as a package deal

she's been able to compartmentalize being away from ME and being away from S.

match up with this:

Currently: Focusing on me and son

Honestly, it sounds like you are playing games. Id focus on you and not worry about what she may or may not feel. I'd be more concerned about the thought of having 0 time with my kid from Fri night to Sun night.

[RSG]

Well, don't worry about all that. I found something in the house with WW's OP name on it with my child's artwork. I sent her a picture after she went through my stuff and took a ring. She said she was sorry about everything and wasn't feeling well. I asked why and she said she's not dealing well with life.

Long story short, she called and the crux of the matter was: She's so glad I seem happy now that she doesn't think she can make me happy and vice versa. If I withdraw and am sad/mopey, etc she won't want me and if I'm good and positive she won't want me. Fantastic.

[Coconut]

Her feelings change, don't believe what she says.. Your happier, that makes her feel less guilty, that makes it easier for her.. Don't read into any of it. She's with OM, nothing she says or does matters until that ends.

Just keep working on you RSG, focus on you and your S..