Out of In house S- Start of two homes (10)

[vise82]

Hey Darknes,

Timeouts have been working for me. I don't really use them enough. The positive reinforcement I agree with. It is something that I try to do when things go well.

Kids are going to act up they need consequences when they do.

As for me. I have removed myself from the situation to cool down. I am as described calm and quiet. But if I let an anger build up it gets to a boiling point. What has worked for me is to remove myself from the situation to prevent blowing a gasket.

Last night I met with my brother and his W and new child. It was a good visit, I let him know that when he went through his divorce I had no idea of the pain he was going through until I experienced it for myself.

I filled him in on how W and I decided that it was best to distance our selves from my brothers and sisters. I also said that looking back I should have never agreed to it.

That W was telling me the MR problems were not me they were her, that she left me in the dark on how much resentment she was keeping in. That she was treating me poorly and I thought to force me out of the MR. That she fell in love with the gay neighbor and was having an emotional affair all the while we were going to MC. That I have not been going to her family functions and have been excluded from any weddings. That I am working on myself to be better as this was a kick to my ass to be a better man.

He did not see the reason for my not contacting the brothers and sisters, He understood that I wanted the space to work on my family with out the stress of the brothers and sisters adding to it.

It did not work, It isolated me. It made me more depressed.

The visit gave a feeling of having roots meeting with him, like yes this is part of who I am, part of who I was. I need to talk to more of them to hear the old stories of growing up, the memories that I have forgotten. It is grounding me. I feel more connected knowing they are there and want me to connect with them. I don't have to be so alone.

Then there is the issue of my W not telling me of the birth of my brothers son. She held back that information from me for 12 weeks now.

I am angry about it but not sure if I should confront W about it. One part of me wants to but other part want to avoid the conflict. It would be a 180 to address it.

With holding info like that is wrong. Its controlling. and it erodes trust, because what else has she not been telling me.