Pathway Change

[sandi2]

I agree with Roist's advice. No doubt, your emotions may be screaming, "Yes, this is what you want". I urge you to not get in any hurry to take her back. If she really wants back with you, she will do what you want. If she wants to save the M, she will agree to your terms. Please note, she is not to set the conditions about her coming back, b/c that is your job. She betrayed you, so she needs to come back into the M under your stipulations. For example, NC of any type with OM; complete transparency (phone messages, etc.) and she is not to decide when you check, nor should she be forewarned when you will check; attend MC with a therapist trained in healing from an affair; and there will be no separate sleeping arrangements. You can add other things, but these are very important. There needs to be a plan and professional guidance. You can't jump back into things and expect a better outcome if you don't have guidance and a plan.

I think she is feeling a little reality hitting her. She may be seeing where she had it much better at home with you. And, I'm sure she misses her home. The OM could hanve shunned her, once she left you, and she's feeling the sting. I encourage you to observe her attitude. If she is showing some anger toward you, then don't let her back. If she wants in-house separation, absolutely tell her no way. If she wants separate bedrooms, no way. She doesn't have to be under your roof to work on the R. Don't be in a hurry, and don't let her talk you into putting everything in the past and moving forward (that is what WW's want to do). As the LBH, you are going to experience several stages after she goes back home.