WHs do come back--Piecing--

[Sotto]

Hi Blu, what you post is really helpful and it is always worth remembering that DBing is first and foremost for us - and if we can truly focus on ourselves, it will be 'money well spent' no matter what the outcome.

People always say that piecing is tough, and as you say, you may have made some decisions which you might change if you could go back - living apart for longer perhaps...etc.

Still, we can't go back and we make decisions from the place we are in at that time - and then we live the path we have chosen with all that brings.

When a M breaks apart due to an A - there are three possible outcomes:

The M is restored and strengthened, with greater connection and intimacy, after the A - a better M is created.

The M is restored, but the underlying issues never really addressed and so the M isn't great.

The M ends - either the WAS decides not to return (my case!) or the LBS decides to move on etc.

You've been lucky enough (I know - be careful what you wish for!) to have the A or B options. What do you think it would take from you both at this point - to create A? What do you need in order to feel more intimacy and connection in your M again. What would help you both heal from what has happened? What would help restore loving feelings?

From what I read, the times that couples spend together on healing, discussing, working and rebuilding are times well spent. I don't believe distance is the answer - and I think it is important to discuss why it is you are feeling distant and what you need at this point.

Have you read other threads on the forum where there has been a reconnection? I always think Labug is a wise poster and she and her H managed to rebuild things (I don't think he had an A though.) 25 years MLC is another wise poster.

I'm not sure if this is helping, but I was moved by your post and wanted to chime in. Hope you have a better day today Blu.

Xx