I don't know if it's time of month, or stress over upcoming lawyer appt but I have not been doing well. I am replaying specific incidents in my marriage and getting really angry and upset.
Read my past few posts and I don't know if getting mad at these incidents is helpful or just obsessive thoughts.
Is this what WAS did to justify leaving? Am I playing victim?
Is this me villifying so I too can move on and suffer loss less?
Or am I coming to terms with what was a pretty toxic relationship? There are some incidents I keep replaying in my mind and I'm not sure I want to write about them. Almost did, but then luckily that wave of emotion passed and I'm able to look at things more rationally.
It's so confusing to see him act friendly and put on pretenses when there has been so much cruelty.
How is someone even capable of detaching so much from their family?
Back in October, we all went out for dinner at his request. He was angry and sullen and I was stupidly and naively trying to apply the " act as if " concept. In the car when he was dropping us off, I went and put my hand on his and he pulled it away like I had leprosy! It was the way a man should pull their hand away if they were married and Another woman was hitting on him. That rejection was so humiliating. I can't even imagine ever having confidence to make a move like that with any man.
