A new crossroad reached

[mleigh4]

Bright, 2times, Irish....you all inspire me. I think the great thing about this site is we learn and grow with each other and through each other's experiences and views. Thank you for your insight and kind words.

With yesterday being Fathers Day, I found myself struggling a bit. On one hand, I was completely ignored and forgotten on Mothers Day, not to mention I have built 10 foot walls around myself this last year.....I felt tempted to ignore it myself

On the other hand, that is not the person I want to be. Plus, we had the talk and I listened to his hurt over feeling invisible.....

I stayed quiet in the day until he TM that he was on his way. He was picking up S to take him to his dad's to swim. He called S, asking if he wanted to eat out? Eat at papas? Was he hungry? It was hard to stay quiet as I love cooking for him, but I couldn't bring myself to offer....not sure why, just couldn't. I figured, if he invites me, then I will, but I went back and forth in my mind. I haven't seen or talked to his dad in a long time. I did send his dad a Happy Fathers day TM and he replied thank you.

When H was almost here, he TM asking if I wanted to join them. I replied I didn't feel like swimming, but would be happy to cook them up some grub. H jumped on it. He picked up S and dog, and I headed to the store.

I showed up with bags of food and cooler with beer and wine. FIL did not realize I was coming to cook. He offered to order a pizza. I said oh no, I am here to feed and serve you! He seemed so happy. I pulled out appetizers for them to munch while I cooked us up NY steaks. They swam, then we stuffed ourselves. We laughed and had a good time, very mellow, very relaxed, very much like old times. The 4 of us always did things together, travelled together.

SIL showed up, and boy did the atmosphere change! She is a mini MIL, she complained about the parenting of the little girl she nannies, complained about the parenting style of some other people, just total negativity and put downs. Being that is a trigger topic for me, I found myself taking deep breaths. She went on and on while we all pretty much stayed quiet. At one point, when we told her about S straight A's, FIL gave me credit for having always read to S. (That felt so good) She said that was great, then went on about how kids these days get rewarded for nothing. Finally, I grabbed plates on the table to clean up, went in the house. H got up and followed me, said she was really annoying! Lol, if he only knew he can act just like her!! I just smiled and said it's best I just stay quiet

We went back outside and listened to her drone on, a know it all about everything, until finally FIL stood up and announced time to watch the basketball game. She said her goodbyes and left. Whew!

No wonder H was attracted to me, I am so opposite of the women in his life!

Overall, it was a really nice time. Very comfortable, not awkward. When I left, FIL gave big hugs, said it was a wonderful fathers day and asked if I would keep in touch. H gave me several thank yous throughout the day and was very attentive back. I was really glad I decided to participate in the day. S loved it too.

I dropped off S with H tonight. He told me about his horrible day at work and showed me text exchanges with a couple of his employees. So, H is general foreman, and I read these texts and saw him, honestly, being a real a## to these guys. I caught myself from saying so and let him go on about their incompetence. In these texts, he argues and puts these guys down, so I suggested, next time, just call them and tell them in simple terms, what you need and expect from them. I didn't tell him this, but H is really a monster with his angry TM's! I have seen it firsthand, but to co-workers? Not cool. He agreed talking would be better.

H also brought up his sister, what a know it all she is. I again just smiled.

So much is becoming clearer and clearer. The atmosphere he was raised in, his mom and 2 sisters, really did a number on him. His dad was a cop and away a lot, it just explains so much. It's amazing how much you learn when you just sit back and watch, listen.

I want to be the calm in his storm, no matter how things turn out.

Hope you all have a good week