I've been reading other posters talk about how they let their spouse back too easily. I actually feel the same way. I think there is such tremendous relief when you realize it is actually happening--they are coming back around, or coming out of the fog, or the A is over--and so it's hard to think clearly and make rational decisions. Like I've said before, the LBS is in their own type of fog. When H left me I was in shock, anxious, and depressed, and many of you describe feeling the same. So him coming back did not suddenly allow for me to snap out of it. (All the more reason to DB and focus on the self).

When H came back I was relieved but also nervous it wouldn't stick. I saw him coming around, regretful, and remorseful--totally vulnerable--and so I started to feel that it may work. I was also so angry and ashamed at what he had done, that my feelings were yo-yo-ing all over the place. That is what makes piecing so hard! I was trying to remain calm and have rational discussions and make good decisions. At the same time I was constantly triggered and coming out of the shock, but with so much damage. All of this led to a "honeymoon" phase (but not at all really) and I think we moved too quickly.

At the same token, we have kids and the seperated living arrangement was a challenge. Our MC said we couldn't work on things further until he moved back in. He moved back in in a month. I can't go back and change anything, but I do wonder if we should have taken more time.

Been feeling down lately. Not terribly sad, just not motivated to feel close to him. Just going to let it sit for now. Like I said, I just need things to feel normal for now. I still feel envious when I see friends or couples have a close connection. Haven't felt that way in awhile and H has been back well over a year now. Can't help but wonder if we will ever feel as close as we used to.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela