What should I be Doing (piecing 6)

[Georgia Bulldogs]

My posts are still subject to moderator approval so they sometimes show up late.

Bumping to see if Georgia Bulldogs is around... I'd like to get thoughts on if I'm living blind or if it seems like my W A is over.

The cornerstone or foundation of every solid recovery that I've seen requires "no contact for life".

Waywardism is a fantasy. It's not a real relationship. Even if they aren't talking, she can still glance at him (and him her) and wonder what they are thinking. Wonder if they are still thinking about each other. They often feel compelled to check in with each other out of supposed friendly concern that the other is doing OK. If the chief has ordered them to knock it off then it's like a "do not step on the grass" sign where our sinful nature compels our desire to break the rules so they give a quick verbal whisper to meet each other in the janitorial closet for a talk.

They hold on to the illusion that in another life and another time maybe they could have been together or found each other before all these other bothersome inter-personal relationships and responsibilities got in the way of their "meant for each other -- we're soul mates crap".

Your wife may be completely on board, legitimately hate the guy and never speak the guy again but it's a risk she shouldn't be taking or asking you to be OK with. The stress that puts on you every day is enormous. Part of the consequences of her behavior and still wishing to keep you in her life should be "no contact for life - no matter what it takes". If that means quitting the academy --- then so be it. She certainly can't be assigned to the same unit or whatever...but still seeing him at union meetings or city wide firefighter events is too much contact. All it takes is a little eye contact, a knowing glance and a note or whisper to meet and the affair is game on again. I'd suggest moving to another locale if she wants to keep at this dream because it "no contact for life" is just that important.

I helped one couple recover where the OM produced and recorded a demo tape with the WW and she had to give up signing completely. No church choir. No singing in the shower when betrayed husband was home. That was 10 years or so ago so I doubt it's that extreme anymore but your wife is demonstrating an insincerity and lack of empathy every time she walks out that door to go where OM is or may be, leaving you behind speculating and worrying about your life and future.

Sure you could/can risk it and let her finish what she started and not be a quitter but if you don't need the money and it's all the same she should look for another job. Maybe one without so many men around. Firehouses have a reputation.