Phoebe, in spite of everything, I'm glad that you're not being yo-yo'ed by your H like I have been over the last 2 years. I think the distance is to your advantage, and that you have your own place that you get to keep for yourself. You get a more even trajectory and fewer setbacks with no mixed messages.
(For some reason, I envision your place sort of like Hobbiton - a safe little pocket in a stormy world. )
I've been wondering if it's a case of our H's choosing partners they admired, and then they start feeling like they are less, so they find someone who is lesser than them (sorry if this sounds arrogant, but most places I read that people affair 'down') so they can feel better about themselves.
H talks poorly of OW but I think he sees himself as her rescuer/hero.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
) 