Losing control, I need to let go (2)

[KyleR]

Sandi, what do you think of my above post RE telling the kids that my move out is permanent?

[KyleR]

I'm thinking of speaking to my W and telling her that she/we need to sit down and tell the kids that I'm not going to be coming home.

Everytime I have my D5 she asks me "when are you coming home?" My W has told her that I'm helping nanny with something, it makes me feel terrible lying to her everytime she asks and I think she needs to know the truth.

Can anyone advise me on this?

[Coconut]

I think telling your kids is a personal decision, but I Don't think it would be bad to tell them. At the very least you can tell your W what you don't want her to tell them. Letting them know that mom and dad are having difficulties, and that's why dad isn't living at home probably wouldn't be bad. I definitely don't think your W lying to them is the best way to go. Kids are perceptive, they probably know more about what's going on than u think.

[Cristy]

Hi Kyle,

That is a tough one. Honesty is important with children as long as it is age appropriate information. The hard part is that you don't have all the answers and nothing is absolute. Look at it this way...

How will telling D5 that you are not coming home help in your reconciliation efforts? Keep your eye on your goals by focusing all of your time, effort and energy into being the best Kyle and Dad that only a fool would leave.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[KyleR]

Yeah I have no doubt that my eldest knows what's going on but I'm certain that D5 thinks that I'm just "helping nanny" and will be coming home soon. She asks me every time I have her and I think that it's not helping me or her.

[Cristy]

Kyle,

Michele wrote an article regarding telling kids about divorce. Please email me and I can send you a link.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[KyleR]

Will send you an email shortly. Will it apply when divorce hasn't been mentioned as of yet?

[Cristy]

Hi Kyle,

Thank you for your email request. I have sent you the link.

It is best not to talk about divorce to the kids unless you’re certain it’s going to happen.

A DB Coach can help you with suggestions on what to say to your kids when they ask questions that you are unsure of how to respond. I know you want to be honest, but it's hard when you don't know the answers yourself.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[KyleR]

I know that this probably isn't advised but I may tell my W that my daughter keeps asking and we need to tell her something a bit more definitive.

It's difficult because myself and my W haven't had any conversation regarding D and I'm not sure I want to stir it up yet.

[KyleR]

I phoned around a few solicitors today to get an idea of how much D would cost and time frames etc.

I'm not going to file (yet) but thought I'd get the information together for if that day arrives.