Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo 2

[Painter]

Phoebe, it sounds like you are looking forward in glimpses and having some good days! Better sleep is a big part of that, I feel.

I couldn't get in here yesterday, either, so it must have been a site issue.

I can relate to your inability to hold on to anger. I have about 2 days of anger in me before it deflates like a balloon and I'm back in the why?? how could he?? how can this be happening?? sad, confused and tearful mode. I'm not a delicate little flower and can be firm and decisive about stuff, but H has some kind of hold on a soft spot in me.

And I have experienced the same nausea when I think about dating! I have a couple of friends who have been pushing me and I try to tell them it's not the way to move forward - at least not for me. One of them was particularly insistent a couple of days ago, and she was widowed at a young age so I finally asked her how she would have felt if someone had told her to 'move on and start dating' 3 weeks after her H's death (not in such direct words but she got what I meant). She said she was mostly angry at WH for making me hurt so much and wanted it to stop, so I told her to go key their cars instead... She lives right up the road from us (H and OW now).

It's good that you have your parents there. Support from family is so very helpful. It's also helpful that it is summer and nature is so beautiful right now! I walk the dog several times a day and always enjoy the gardens and little animals we encounter. The smell of cut grass and the sound of the blackbird at dusk is so soothing for the soul. They don't sing where I lived with H, but they did in the spring and early summer in my home country, so I love my evening walk to get to listen to them - it takes me back home.