Out of In house S- Start of two homes (10)

[vise82]

Hey

Had a good breakfast even if I had to cook it all myself, S7 did help with the bacon until the hot oil splashes were to much for him.

I took them to the skate park and then from there we went to a splash pad. It was hot and we miss our old house's pool.

After we all got smoothies,

Then the exchange.

W was looking good with all new tight clothes. Kids took off to play with kids on the street, there are a lot of them. Not too much on my street.

Saw the single guy that lives next door to her, very bad boy biker looking. I was fast as the longer I was there me more it was bothering me to just leave the kids. So like taking off a band-aid i ripped out of there. I imagine she just bought those clothes in the morning because that is where she was, shopping. I did not even give a compliment but could tell she was fishing for one. She was not dressing her age at all. She tells people she is 30, she just turned 34.

Then the sadness waves over as I drive home alone to an empty house, I start to empty out the van of the garbage from my time with the kids. I think I spent too much on them but when I only have them for a while it hard not to.

I am finding this is the hard part, she is always there. Detached or not she is there. I cant get away from her. And if I am thinking this, it must be worse for the person wanting out of the MR. They want to get away from the other person but because of the kids, it never happens fully.

And now that I am settled in my new place, the question is going to come up. When do I start trying to date. Do I divorce first if that is what i want or do I see what is out there while S. Or do I continue on this lonely path of DBing knowing that she will not D me because as long as we do not D she continues to be on my work benefits. This was negotiated in the S agreement. Until she finds MR benefits or a new man.

I think the answer is to GAL for now and push all the thoughts back for now.