The way it's described in the thread here works for many and wasn't that helpful to me.
I am a 'give me the steps' kind of girl, that or who does this and I can model their behaviour and attitude.
So...........
Here is my take on it:
Detachment is observer mode
Detachment isn't neutral or indifferent, you can have every emotion going in spades, you can cycle them
Detachment isn't always calm, you can have washing machine mind and still be detached
Detachment isn't unattached, you can still stand for M, just a new M
Detachment is whatever happens it's ok, it's for the best, it is trusting your higher power
Fine if x, OK if y
Detachment is a state of mind and body, not an emotion or behaviour
State of minds change from day to day, you can be detached on say an S, but not on fins
You can love and be detached
You can love and not be detached, these are not exclusive
Detachment like love and trust is a choice
Your body can hold only one state at a time
You can most use detachment when looping and that is when it seems hardest to do
It is letting go of things you can't control
It is moving forward not always moving on
It is letting go of anyone else having influence over your state
It is letting go of the outcome, whatever happens is good
It is letting go and letting your higher power
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Yes Vanilla I know all that! I understand it and no one gave me the manual. I came in this world as a complex being and no one gave me instructions on this. Great words, I like the intent. I got the message but no manual or U tube video.
All well and good but WTF how do I change state?
How can I shift so I have control over my state when I want it?
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Well SH you do this all the time. It's natural for you, you maybe haven't noticed what you do, what works for you. It's in your subconscious somewhere. We can bring that to the conscious mind, learn how we do it subconciously then practice it as a concious habit. It's technique, you just don't yet know how you do it.
Firstly, it is possible to change state at will, mature adults do it all the time, especially when we resist temptation or exercise self control
Each of us is different in our ways of doing this.
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Here are the techniques I use
From 12 steps
Decide to let my higher power take control. I meditate, I do mindfulness and I listen to hypnosis tapes. I have goals and go decent adult GAL.
When I am really stuck I go beat myself up and go to the gym exercising really hard.
Being still or active changes body state. Whatever works for you. The things you do should be positive, drinking to oblivion won't help, or getting lost in TV or online games for instance.
The HALT principle applies
You will have real issues if you are Hungry, have red Anger, are Lonely (not alone) or Tired.
So you might look at converting red anger to white directive active anger.
From NLP or CBT
A freebie charity website get gg, has CBT worksheets for plotting mood and identifying triggers. Nothing of course to do with marriage or counselling it is more about mental health and growing up.
One brilliant thing of course is your gratitude journal.
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The day I learned how I switched states subconciously and then through my own effort was a great day for detachment.
Light bulb
Shift
And even though the abuse in my life with xWH has been terrible and still continues I have the technique.
So what did it?
This is my go to, it's about observer mode. I liberally scatter this all over threads on DB.
It takes practice Yodi one.
But the penny dropped and I use it in my life all the time on everything.
You can Google third position and NLP.
1. Identify yourself and be in you body, present in it, really present. If necessary mindfulness but sit on a chair and feel your toes on the ground and back against the chair. That is you in you in position one.
2. Imagine the other sitting opposite you in the chair. You are watching them, or perhaps they are on the phone spewing like those old fashioned black and white movies when you see two halves of a telephone call.
Then mentally get up and walk around the back of their chair. From that position see yourself as they see you. That's position two. Two versions, you watching you and you and the other is them watching you. You want the former as you don't want to absorb the spew into yourself.
3. Now from behind the chair mentally walk to the door of the room, stand in the doorway in your mind. From that position watch you and the other interacting. You do this as you, like you are a lab research analyst with your pen and board. Just watching taking notes of the lab rats in front of you.
Examine the interaction. Validity? Is the spew valid? How are both parties? What is their body language?
Write on the clipboard in your mind, pluses, minuses and interesting things about the interaction.
4. Walk back to you in your mind from the door to stand beside the you in the chair. Read the notes to you in the chair. As observer then mentally hand the clipboard to the one in the chair. Get back into sitting in the chair feet on the floor, back in the chair reading the clipboard as yourself in position one. Now you are detached.
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You can practice this with your posts here, with your boss at work, a difficult coworker, the grumpy shop assistant, the pushy OAP on the train. Heck you can do it watching politicians on the TV.
I can do this in my mind now in 5 seconds or less. It's a technique. Body state is changed.
I am working on this on PTSD.
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Eye access cues
EMDR took a long time to work for me and some people get great results through tapping techniques.
But this really helped, I call it rolling eyes. I need to go to the loo (disabled loo is best for privacy) or be private somewhere or people think I am crazy lady V.
I also need the cold water splash and man in the mirror and often to use the loo.
I follow it up with the half secret smile.
This is for when I need the big big guns, because this one jolts And can make me very energised (not good before bed or if I cant sit still)
Warning lights.
So........
Eyes to the right, eyes to the left Look down Look up
Tap the back of your left hand with your right hand
Tap the back of your right hand with your left hand
Repeat 10 times
Close your eyes
Open them wide
Smile at the man in the mirror, I hear Michael Jackson singing man in the mirror, sometimes I sing along in my mind and other times I sing out loud. (Not a nice noise)
I tip my head to my knees, splash cold water on my face the loo if I need.
I leave the disabled loo with a bounce in my step.
This is pattern interrupt in NLP terms. It changes your state quickly.
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That's what I do SH.
That's how I detach by changing body state.
Takes work to do it. If all else fails I dance with lively Music!
Hope that helps a bit
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BTW I have now added fourth position to the third position in some instances. I call this wise sage.
The one with the clipboard leaves the room to an annex meeting room. In it are specialist advisors. For me on most issues that's Nelson Mandela and the great British political Monday Molem. From time to time I have others, philosophers, mathematicians, artists all specialists. I digress.
I read the clipboard to them, listen to their advice and modify my clipboard.
Then I mentally go back to step 4 above.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
