My wife walked out 2

[RSG]

I see where you're coming from, but I don't agree it was a doormat move. To me, being a doormat is letting her do something I have strong feelings against, mentioning it, her responding and immediately backing down. I really didn't care one way or the other about the haircut. It's insignificant in the grand scheme, but was a chance for her and I to come together on a parenting issue. She did apologize for complaining...

That said, I'm ready to drop the bomb on her the next time she asks me for updates when I have S. My parents agreed to let her Facetime them, and I almost told them to stop but my folks agreed. That's their choice. It's obvious she misses him and wants constant upkeep on him. My Mom said previously "She has no right to walk out on her husband and son and expect (me) to keep her up to date on everything. She's either a mother or she's not." I agree with this. She wants to know all about him, but can't keep up with him all the time. If my schedule allowed, I'd keep him everyday. Hers does, but she complains its too hard and has said before she can't take care of him without me.

[Coconut]

RSG, I don't think talking to her about a haircut is showing weakness, but I think her whining about you giving him a haircut and agreeing with her that you shouldn't have done it, and won't be doing it again shows too much weakness.

Maybe saying something like "I understand your upset about me getting S haircut, but since you left family I will be making family decisions on my own, but will consider discussing with you in the future when I feel it is appropriate"..

I'm just trying to say that she has to understand that while she is away from your family you are a single father and will be living your life as such.

I'm just shooting from the hip here, so not real sure I'm giving the right perspective, but think it's at least worth considering. Maybe writing down what her leaving has cost her (as far as family stuff) and what hasn't changed would help to see if she's actually facing any consequences for leaving and having A.

[RSG]

I guess I'm just coming from the place of: She was very wary of haircuts for him even when we were happily married AND it wasn't a battle I wanted to fight. That's one thing I have taken from DR, only fight the battles that are worth fighting.

I do like your last line though. I'm going to sit down tonight after S goes to bed and think about/write down what her immoral behavior has cost her re family.

I'm slowly detaching. I haven't opened a dialogue with her in days and I haven't missed her NEARLY as much as I did even last week. I just came from my folks house to pick up S, and they said when they Facetimed with her yesterday she didn't look good. She's VERY tired all the time and is gaining weight. I'm feeling more and more comfortable being on my own, and I have been LOSING weight (a little stress related but mostly because I'm more active and eating better). I'm GAL pretty quickly and feel like I'm doing a great job w/my S. I'm realizing that, while I still have love in my heart, I'm perfectly capable of being happy without her.....

[Coconut]

And for what it's worth, I love your last line.. That's where you need to be.

I'm a little confused as to her state, generally a new R brings energy and activity (resulting in weight loss), do you know if she is still seeing OM? It must suck to be in an A that makes you act depressed.

[RSG]

And for what it's worth, I love your last line.. That's where you need to be.

I'm a little confused as to her state, generally a new R brings energy and activity (resulting in weight loss), do you know if she is still seeing OM? It must suck to be in an A that makes you act depressed.

Thanks, it took a lot of will power to get here. Still have my moments, but am feeling more positive about myself daily.

The last time it came up was when she said last week, "Even if there weren't someone else kind of in the picture..." Don't know what that meant really. Lying to me? Just wants the single life? Second thoughts? Didn't change my outlook any, regardless. I'm working on me. If she cares about her son as much as she claims she does, she'd want to see him 7 days a week, show remorse for what she's done to this family and ask me and her son for forgiveness.

I guess I've just gotten really focused. I know I'm a good man, I just want to be a better one.....

[RSG]

Well, I did this afternoon/evening just as a test. I'm no longer fearful, and am much more confident, so I was able to look at it objectively.

WW asked about S when I picked him up, we chatted about him off and on all afternoon. She talked about all the goodies she bought him, Facetimed him and was in a great mood. I texted her you must've had a great day, you're in a good mood. See you tomorrow (she's coming to pick him up). She said "night."

Yup. Nice guy. Tough love goes into effect ASAP. Time to understand what dumping your family means....

[RSG]

She just picked him up. I did well, was in a good mood but not "excited" just to see her. Sad watching my little man leave, but I was only positive. Big step forward for me, I have always been positive for S but usually sad or angry towards WW.

She asked where I was going again. It's a battlefield tour right by a lake, I just gave her some vagaries and she said "be safe" and mentioned she's taking S to the park after going to Target. She asked if I wanted pics and I said sure. Should I decline when she offers?

I pick him up from camp Wednesday, and will begin to ramp down the updates. I can tell from her demeanor that she's just treating this as half marriage/half separation. Of course, I get the poop end of the stick.....

[sandi2]

Good job. I suggest you aim for showing no type of emotion toward your W. Just work on not projecting anger or other negative tones. Be civil.

[RSG]

Good job. I suggest you aim for showing no type of emotion toward your W. Just work on not projecting anger or other negative tones. Be civil.

No emotion, ok. That's harder lol!

Father's day went ok. I went and met a couple buddies for a battlefield tour. Then 2 of us went out to lunch, and I was out from 11 until around 5. Walked a couple miles during the day and came home. I felt good, but then the lack of Father's Day recognition kicked in. She didn't even mention it in passing; however, I posted a picture of my Dad and S thanking him for always being there for me and teaching me how to be a good Daddy. She "liked" it which seemed odd. I ended up having a good night. She Facetimed me around 7 and was either just crying, or about to. She said he had a little meltdown and obviously missed having me there to help. Of course, she said she was "fine" and just "tired."


She forgot to take nighttime diapers with her, and didn't have any at her place. She asked me to bring some to cover a couple days and she'd get more. Again, uncharacteristic.
Brought the diapers to school and told her again to buy some for him after school. I probably shouldn't have done that, but S needs them. I will not be doing that again. I did get to spend a few extra minutes with S, giving him hugs, kisses and telling him bye bye. Then said bye to W, and left. I didn't hear from her again until around 2 when I asked how therapy went, and she said his therapist is ecstatic with his progress. A couple hours later I get a picture of him loving a balloon and saying he had a good day in class, which have been few and far between this summer.

Coconut, I must say I didn't make the "what's she losing" list re separation, but when I think about it I know it's easier on her than it is on me.

[Coconut]

RSG, no worries about the homework, just wanted you to think about the cake eating. Days by the pool as a family, hanging out in your apartment, she was getting too much family time with the family she walked away from, I just wanted you to think about it.

Father's Day was a rough one, my Son (my step son) was at his biological fathers for the day, it was the first time that's happened in 8 years, he's always been with me at least at night. So anyway, I was ok with that, cause a calendar doesn't dictate what day I celebrate my son and my R, so I planned on spending the day with W. Not gonna go into whole schedule, but between her studying for academy and getting a project for work completed, I was basically by myself on Father's Day, other than a 2 hr dinner with her father. it hit me at night when I went to bed, and made me a little sad, but I don't want to hijack your thread,

Your doing well RSG, it sounds like you know where you are going and using this time to get there, good for you. Now figure out something you want to do to celebrate your R with your son, and do it when it feels right, calendar be damned.