WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[Phoebe]

Hi SH. I see that we were typing at the same time again, and I didn't see your second post until just now.

I suspect that you love the person you thought you were married to for all those years, but you can't see that person inside your WAW anymore. Maybe she wasn't there for a long time, maybe she never was that person and tried to make herself into that image until she couldn't take it anymore, and maybe she was that person right up until she wasn't any longer. Who knows? The only objective fact it that this new version of her is not someone you would choose to give your love to if you just met her, so maybe the love you feel is simply out of respect for what once was, combined with hope that she might one day be recognizable again. You loved the wife and the life that you thought you had; you don't ned to parse out the whys and wherefores of the love that remains. A big part of it is probably rooted in compassion.

I feel more pity for my WH than anger, too. And disgust and a lot of other d-words, but just not a whole lot of anger. My therapist tells me that the anger is something I need to be able to access more, and perhaps your therapist should be saying the same to you?

And on that note, any therapist who just 2 months ago was concerned enough about you to be handing you the number for a suicide prevention hotline shouldn't be telling you that you don't need their help anymore. Feelings may go underground for a while. You are doing well right now, but is that a permanent state? Only time will tell, and if you have to start over with someone new in a time of crisis that new person will not be the source of comfort or assistance that you may need initially.

Consider finding someone else now, when you are feeling strong, because with the amount of self-doubt that I'm hearing, I think that you still have a lot that you need to work through, and that may simply take time. If nothing else, you need to maintain a relationship with a therapist as part of your support system. Go less frequently, or find someone new, but I think that you should have someone in the event that you need more support on this journey.

I know that you feel good right now, but I'm actually a little worried for you. Know that I am here for you, and wish that I could do more. Set yourself up to succeed, and that means keeping your support system strong and current.

((((((Sparrowhawk))))))