Hi DBers, Advice Needed!!! As some of you may be aware from my posts last couple days, my H sent an email Wed June 15 saying he had sent me D papers to sign - that he 'still loves me but not in the big way anymore' and that I 'matter to him' and that he 'appreciates our time together'. Then he signed it 'sending love' I have NOT responded in any way. The irony is not lost on me...anyhow - I just spent most of the morning re-reading DR and at a loss for the moment of what to do next. Are there any of you out there, especially MEN who got to the D papers stage and then reconsidered and later reconciled? I know he wants to be on his own right now and can respect that, and frankly, I have a lot of work to do on myself. But I am NOT signing any papers! This has been one of worst and most stressful periods in both our lives, plus he's been working 50 hours a week, doesn't sleep well etc. I do NOT think this is the time to be making such a drastic decision. I re-read the section in DR on writing down goals and asking 'what would be the first sign that things are moving in the right direction?' What I realized I would like is a conversation where he would tell me, and I would only LISTEN, what it is he really wants for his life right now and what he thinks a D will give him? And then to find a way to agree on a middle ground, as we are of course at opposite ends of the spectrum at the moment. He wants to escape,and I want to reconcile eventually. I KNOW from everything I've learned in this community and other things I've learned that TIME is required!!! Making this decision after only 2 months of separation seems insane to me...as I am looking at the long term, and he's looking at the short term. If he's been unwilling to meet me in person for past couple weeks and won't answer my calls, I know he is afraid of a face to face talk, that I'll get all emotional and dredge up past etc. What he doesn't know is that I have NO intention of doing that! I realized the other day that I haven't told him that I am absolutely willing to not talk about the past, or try to 'process' anything - and until I make that clear I don't think he will feel safe meeting in person. I don't feel comfortable discussing this via email. I feel I don't have enough information to actually respond to him...so I'd like to hear what he has to say before I decide what I want to do next. My ultimate goal of course is to get him to agree to delay the D and find a way to help each other through this period of our M and give it the time it deserves. He obviously feels that getting rid of our M is the only answer to his future happiness. And of course he's basing all his decisions only on the PAST. This drives me nuts. The past is over. He hasn't even seen me enough for past 3.5 weeks to be able to have any NEW impressions about how I am doing etc. and how we could interact. Oh sorry, I'm rambling on. Thanks for your patience and time and support.
