sad that 26 years ended this way. I realized I am still in love with who she used to be, definitely not who she is at the moment .. but that girl I married and spent all that time with I dearly miss. It has been a bit since those feelings have blindsided me but again, part of the process/cycle. The girl I am seeing ... I enjoy the time, its better than being alone but I am starting to realize I am not ready to give freely yet, not sure if I ever will TBH, in time maybe but just something I have to be honest with myself about. She has recently called me on it, I have been honest with her but things may end just for the fact I am not fully healed just yet .... this wound may in fact be one that never does heal and I will have to just accept that as part of it.
define 'heal' my friend. Perhaps it will scar over and instead of sadness you'll be able to remember the good times. Kind of like remembering a family trip to Disney - years later you don't remember the sweaty long lines with someone's little kids crying, smearing something sticky on your leg. Or the long lines. Or the high costs of everything or the stomach aches from the food etc.
No, you remember that you enjoyed most of it, and it becomes a memory from your history.
While you get there, keep on the path you're on. The exploration will be helpful.
Peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
