Mozza's own success story

[Mozza]

It's over with New Girl. She's just not that into me.

After the 3-week break, we got together for a talk. We ended up spending 3.5 hours together, and even having dinner at a nearby restaurant after we broke up... We talked about what went wrong. Mostly, it comes down to chemistry. It's hard to define. She just doesn't feel and it and I know what she's talking about. She thought she could settle, but we both deserve better and I agree.

When I asked her if there were specific turn offs about me, she said that I still mention my ex too often. I was surprised, but I did not argue with her. She said that my ex doesn't matter to her, it's the past, she's here and now, she's planning the future. I mention it here because we, LBS, might not realize how much we mention it. I would say that for me it was perhaps 1-2 times a day (am I underestimating?) but on the other side, it makes for the constant presence of the other person.

I had a talk with my perceptive bio mom who told me that I was not over STBX, visibly. She could hear it in the way that I talk about her, even angrily. I'm shaken by that. It's probably true: I haven't digested most of the D. I'm still bitter, I've strong feelings of aversion for STBX, I'm afraid of still loving her, etc. I've been denying it for 8 months, but now's a good time to reflect on this.

My bio mom also told me something of relevance to this forum: I was applying today to NG solutions to problems I had with STBC in the past. The best example is that STBX told me when she left that she was surprised to realize I loved her so much. So I decided I should be more communicative about my love. But then, it was overwhelming for NG, who thought it stank of emotional desperation. So what can we learn from our D that will apply to the future, to new people? It might not be so obvious.

I'm doing fine. I feel the weight of the bad news, but I'm not overly sad. I've spent 3 weeks preparing for this and most of my crying is done. I agree that there was something off between us. I just thought it would get better. But if she's not into me, I don't want to be with her anyway.

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SunnyB | Wow, I didn't expect my experience to be an inspiration. I'm not sure what there is to learn from the break, but I would say that it truly was a moment of reflection for both of us and that it was better than she's forging ahead, even if I'm sad at the moment that we broke up.