there could be a bit of cake eating, but it felt like the right thing to do and from the interaction it felt very much like piecing
Seriously?
Surfer, of course it felt good to you, but I assure you it was not piecing! It felt good to you b/c she was not b'tching, fault blaming, or whatever she does that makes you feel the lowest of low. You took a three hour round trip so she could catch her plane, so she should have been nice to you!
Here's the thing and I hope you will digest what I am about to say. You feel all these acts of services are "the right thing to do" b/c you are making it all about her. I suspect that has been routine behavior in your MR. You live to please your W. You feel obligated to do whatever she wants, needs, or instructs. You see it as your job. You feel this is how you express your love. Am I hitting it pretty closely?
Even in a healthy MR, the spouse needs to be watchful to not cater too much. I have seen this in men and women. I also see the results when it's overkill. I think you are one of the nicest of nice-guys, and you may be very resistant in changing some of your ways, but I hope not. Maybe when you learn how women perceive things differently much differently from the mindset of the H who has the nice-guy syndrome, you will understand how it played a part in the breakdown of your MR.
You are being too available to your W. You want to please her, but this is not the time to do it. She has fired you as her H. So now, your job description changes!
I read something on another LBH'S thread that I thought was so pertinent in all these threads. The WW wants you to continue doing all the H jobs but she doesn't want to be your W. So very true!
You need to step away from her, and allow her to feel life without you there at her beck and call.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
