Cbt, is there any touching at all with you two? I remember the first time my wife touched me in months was when we took her mom out to dinner, she put her hand on my leg and rubbed it a little, I put my arm around her and it was nice. Then nothing after we got home, and for days after. I then started little non sexual touches, like putting my hand gently on her arm for a few seconds, a short rub of her back while walking next to her, it took time but she slowly opened up to it.
I agree with Coconut, it needs to start with small, non-sexual touches. I think when Coconut's W touched his leg, she felt safe b/c they were in public and probably knew he wasn't going to have sex right then & there. Neither was she signaling him to expect it later, which I can understand confuses men. I think everything is related to sex, for men.
What I could not make my H understand, is that when there has not been any intimacy for a very long, and then he would walk up behind me (as I was washing dishes) and cram his hands down my pants.........it would make me angry, instead of turning me on. Then he got angry b/c I wasn't responding the way he thought I should. Granted, there were problems between us, but this was not how to resolve it. If he had slowly worked up to making such a bold move, then he would have seen better results. But to be completely void of any kind of touching for months.........and then walk up behind me and stick both hands down my pants? Well, it didn't work for me, and I doubt I am that abnormal.......even if my H use to think I was (thanks to porn and what he saw acted out in movies).
Another thing that would happen in our earlier years, is when we would be over at my parents and I would see him acting like he did before we got M. I really liked him acting the way he did before we were M, and missed that guy a lot. It would cause me to be very flirty with him, and you would think he could have figured it out. I mean, if I acted turned on.......then why wouldn't he act that way when we got home? Nope, he told me he thought I was just trying to turn him on b/c I knew he couldn't do anything about it right then & there. He was partly right. I was enjoying the flirting, and it was warming me up and the fact we couldn't do something right then added to the sexual tension, for me. However, his attitude about it was completely different than mine. And, what he told me after we got home, killed it dead for me. See how differently men and women think about sex?
I think it should be required that couples take a course in his needs and her needs, before they get a M license.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
